The place for random thoughts or ideas that aren’t big enough for a full sized article.
Note: For whatever reason I never thought to put dates on these entries, though I should have. But, they’re in order from most recent to oldest, going as far back as 2006 at the end, when this website first launched.
Updated February 23, 2015. Update to “Epic Fail Bosses – Just that naturally inept, or strategically placed pawns?” Added a link to the end of this entry to a freakishly accurate article by author “Cassie” called “Snakes at the Water Cooler.” Mirrors everything I say in this particular entry, and much more, but she was saying it all 11 years ago. A must read…..
Updated October 17, 2013. “What could be scarier than Grays and Negs?” Well, now that you’ve asked…….!
Updated May 19, 2013. The passing of Stuart Wilde…and why it’s good to not make anybody your guru
Epic Fail Bosses – Just that naturally inept, or strategically placed pawns?
Since pretty much everybody has to work then most people reading this are probably going to relate to my observations. But it concerns exactly what the title of this entry says – workplace bosses that are heaping buckets of fail to such an extent that it’s just over the top, and to where you’re left scratching your head wondering are they really just that stupid and inept?? Or is this like some sort of conspiracy or something?? Because nobody can be that inept at what they do and be allowed to keep being in charge of anything….…right?????
Me being me immediately gravitates towards the conspiracy, of course. ;) But I don’t think I’m wrong. And I know the issue isn’t limited to the workplace.
The inspiration for this write up came about when I was winding down my final days at a long-ish term temp gig back in July of 2014, where I had been at for four months and witnessed yet another example of a Fail Boss in action, literally running her department into the ground. That was the term I used to described things when thinking about it, and as it turned out, how my immediate supervisor Lisa also described it when talking about the situation with me. So it’s funny we both used the same phrase for the situation. I could go on for pages about everything I became privy to after being there only four months, but obviously that’s not practical. But I can summarize the situation by saying that basically any decision that needed to be made, then it seemed you could guarantee that this woman would make the wrong one, and then not care, and then often times do nothing when the ramifications for those wrong decisions reared their ugly head. (I’ll refer to everybody else as their actual name, but keep Fail Boss anonymous, referring to her as D____, since her name is very distinctive, something I’ve never heard before…) In fact, the entire reason I even had that gig and a steady paycheck in the first place was because of one particular wrong decision, which was to keep hiring an endless string of temps to do a job that needs to be done by a permanent person. (And to be clear, I did not want to be that permanent person. The job kind of sucked. :D ) Instead of investing in hiring a permanent employee, whom you only need to go through one round of training and “learning curve” with, and who will hopefully remain there for at least a few years, if not longer, and who will be invested in the job AND have the correct background for it to boot, she instead preferred to keep bringing in disposable temps who didn’t have the right background, and who always need to be trained from the ground up each and every time, which is a huge time and energy investment/drain (and impedes on other work getting done by Lisa who needs to do the training)…………..only to have those temps bail out because the job sucks, basically. (which is the case with me. That’s why I’m finally bowing out. But I can guarantee that with a slightly better pay they’d have no problem getting somebody who would want to do the job permanently.) Or, they finish out the allotted assignment but they’re not extended, because D___ doesn’t feel that her department is busy enough to justify keeping the temp on. Even though they’re swamped and drowning. All the time. Then after a few months of Lisa pleading to have another temp, or better yet, an actual permanent new hire, D___ reluctantly concedes, but only to the idea of a temp, and only for a few months. Then the whole thing starts all over again. Meanwhile as D___ sits tucked away in her cozy office with the windows and a view, far away from where the other three permanent members of her department sit in their dark cubes, completely out of touch with the reality of what’s going on in her own department.
Or is she?
Now granted, having the steady temp gig served me nicely, but objectively it’s just one of an endless slew of examples of D___’s “bad choices that make no sense and which help drive the department into the ground.” As well as creating strife, chaos and discord, and tanking employee morale. (Another great GREAT example worth mentioning is the way in which my immediate supervisor Lisa was the one overseeing the other two permanent employees, as well as any temps or interns; she was the one training all newbies to the department, doling out the workload, making executive decisions about who will do what based on their abilities, which may also include taking a particular responsibility away from one and designating it to another if the other is better at it. She was the one everybody went to when there are any questions or problems, and she was the one with the feedback “hammer of judgment” (or praise) – and yet, D___ refused to officially declare her a supervisor. Even though she was in every other way other than title, and was the one everybody actually interacts with in that capacity, she was never allowed to actually be one “officially.” And even better, when Lisa and another now former perm employee Scott were constantly squabbling due to his gross incompetence (D___ hired him on, of course, even though he’d never had a real job before and didn’t have any of even the basic requirements for the job, including knowing MS Office, then she flat out refused to fire him no matter how bad it got…) D__ would tell Scott that Lisa “wasn’t his supervisor” and that “he didn’t need to listen to her,” that he “doesn’t report to Lisa, he reports to D___” kind of playing both sides. Talk about departmental mindfuck. “Train him and answer his questions and dole out his workload and oversee him Lisa….She’s not your supervisor Scott, you don’t report to her….” It made absolutely no sense to anybody involved and was one of the biggest contributing factors for why Scott finally quit and the department broke down.) These types of shenanigans also cost organizations money. For-profit companies are ultimately there to sell products, that’s the entire reason they exist. But bad decision shenanigans trickle down towards productivity and $$$ profits $$$.
There are lots more of these examples I could go on about in terms of that gig, and as I always say in so many of my articles, each example taken individually doesn’t necessarily indicate or prove anything. But pool them all together and step back and look at the Bigger Picture… And that’s where you really have to wonder, was she really that out of touch and incompetent? Or was something else amiss?
This wouldn’t be the first, or the second, or the third, or the fourth, etc. job, whether permanent or temporary, where I’ve come across these seemingly hapless buffoon bosses that have absolutely no business being in the position of manager, and yet mysteriously….are. The old folks home in west Boca Raton in 2013, the “Illuminati Hotel” as I jokingly called it back in Charlottesville, Virginia in 2005, the engineering firm back in SoCal in 2000, to give a smattering sample. (believe me, there’s more. :D ) And that’s not even counting other people’s stories I’ve been told over the years (including the aforementioned Lisa, who was telling me about another nightmare job she used to have with a crazy boss; and a temp from another department who sat next to me named Kathy who was telling me all about her former job with the nightmare boss who destroyed their department), and repeatedly I’m seeing the same sorts of patterns with these types of managers who had no business being hired on as a manager, and where everybody below them paid the price for their ineptness and bad decision making. The thing that they all seemed to have in common, no matter what the industry, was the following:
1. Make extraordinarily baaaaad decisions, coming across as a moron in a lot of ways, yet paradoxically…
2. …Had a “smart” presentation in terms of how they looked, dressed, talked, carried themselves and interacted with people. The exterior looked and sounded “smart” while the interior often behaved thick as a brick. However, don’t be so quick to write them off as stupid, because…
3. …Talk to them long enough and you’ll eventually witness that dark, intelligent energy flash through their eyes and across their face that seems to clearly be “something else.”
4. In some cases, and I’ve experienced this at least once, the eyes may be completely glazed over and empty/far away as they speak in a monotone, emotionless way as they’re engaging in yet another one of their epic fail moments as a supervisor, completely unable to be reasoned with. Nobody’s home. So who the hell is piloting them and governing their bad decision in that moment??
Another part of the pattern is the result of it all – often times there are supervisors or lead people below the Big Cheese manager(s) who wind up doing two to three times the work, putting in 50-70 hours a week like a manic gerbil in a wheel because the Big Cheese is so incompetent. Which was the case with Lisa, the unofficial lower level supervisor who worked like a superhero. Instead of getting fed up and jumping off the wheel they just work harder and harder the faster the wheel spins, burning themselves out. And meanwhile the Big Cheese just keeps plugging along nonchalantly, never breaking a sweat, and never getting fired.
In that particular temp situation I saw those possible glimpses of “something else” when sitting in D___’s office as we discussed the situation with me giving my notice. I kept things as pleasant as could be, offering to give as much notice as they required, one week, two weeks, whatever, and help train my replacement since D___ confirmed she’d be bringing in another temp. Also mentioned all the how-to notes I’d typed up over the past several months detailing every aspect of my job so it wouldn’t all be for nothing (something that D___ originally requested Lisa to have me do in fact) and which would ease the training of the next person. (and for Scott’s replacement too, as I pointed out, since much of his job position overlapped with mine.) There was the fake pleasant smile…interspersed with the weird frowny looks that kept popping up, as her face seemed conflicted on which way to go, and the dark flash in the eyes, along with the overall nonchalant cold indifference and/or slight disdain. As I sat there I could see why one of the interns for another department had said that D___ “scares her.” She’s not overtly scary in terms of voice or behavior, but it’s the overall vibe, and that dark look in her face and eyes that keeps appearing, in conflict with the really fake smile. She rejected the idea of me giving any kind of extended notice, saying that Friday (two days away) would be fine, nixed the idea of helping to train the replacement (Lisa had already lamented to me that she would have absolutely no time to train a new person, and especially since Scott was also now gone.) So even though it would greatly alleviate a burden to have me do a full two week notice and do the training, and Lisa really wanted that…..D___ wasn’t interested.
And as far as the typed up detailed how-to notes go, which again, was her idea and her original request, and which had never been done in such a comprehensive way as I’d done them? “Maybe we’ll use them…” she said, disinterested, while looking away. !! Meanwhile later Lisa joked to me that she doesn’t care what D___ says…….when whatever temp comes in on the following Monday she was going to hand them my notes and tell them to go away and sit down and read them, ‘cause she doesn’t have time to train them. :D But I found D___’s reactions intriguing as over and over again she proved she wasn’t interested in anything that would actually help her department run as smoothly as possible…to the point of obnoxious obviousness. It also reinforced my feeling that ultimately it was good to get out of there. (the next day Lisa and I were talking about this situation, and she was just mind blown about D___’s statement to her behind the scenes that allowing me to give one or two week notice in order to help her out “was not an option,” as well as the way she was blocking all attempts at a smooth transition.)
“It’s almost like she’s trying to cause the email marketing department to fall down!!!!” she said to me.
Hmm, it kinda does, doesn’t it?
The other defining characteristic of D___ was that she functioned in extreme “black/white thinking,” to the point where another temp that sat next to me, Karla, refered to her as “the robot.” Very telling. (and in case I may come across as upset or emotionally invested in the situation in any way to certain readers that’s definitely not the case. I’ve been viewing all of this with detached interest, just taking mental notes.)
So what’s going on with these types then? My assessment is that whoever and whatever they are, they’re a match for negative, self serving energy. Something isn’t right with them, they’re not all “there,” and in the same way positive forces work through people in this world that are a match for that particular energy, so does the negative, which also helps influence these empty, not-right people’s rise into their managerial/”leadership” positions, and influences them to behave the way they do, and make the illogical, irrational, destructive, bad decisions they do, which then trickles down to every person underneath them. Create that energy feeding buffet for the neg feeders, keep things running as chaotically and unproductively as possible, which helps perpetuate an overall antagonistic, discombobulated vibe in the world as it trickles down to the employee’s personal vibes and personal lives, drive people to quit, and/or greatly stress out the employees who desperately want to quit but are in a position where they can’t (more energy feeding buffet) and overall keep things disrupted in the world, since that’s what negs absolutely thrive on. And it’s no coincidence that these types are situated all over the place, wherever people in charge need to be. Carefully positioned pawns, if you will. Who usually then make sure to hire on more of their own types and/or employees who are going to somehow cause a lot of trouble. In the same way the real, good and positively oriented people can always recognize one of their own when out and about in the world, feeling that unconscious draw/tug towards them, so can’t the negatively oriented ones. It all may sound over the top to some, and yet there’s simply no denying how many people in charge in this world from small and medium sized companies to large corporations, (this particular temp gig I’ve been referencing was a medium sized publishing company….) on up to political institutions and the world leaders themselves are completely inept and usually negative, and have no business being where they are. They seem to serve no purpose other than to instigate chaos, negativity, discord and destruction. Nobody can figure out how they manage to get there….and nobody can get them to leave or be fired. Why is that? Rhetorical question. What I’ve witnessed at various companies of completely different industries around the country since I first started working in 1991 is a microcosm of the bigger situation happening in the world. I’ve ranted to myself numerous times about how the way in which everything runs in this world is the absolute worst, most opposite way things should be done, and it’s just so over the top as to be obvious that this is how certain “stuff” wants it to be. They don’t want a united, harmonious, well oiled machine because it doesn’t suit their agenda and feeding needs. Whether on the macrocosm level of world governments and things that operate from the federal/beaurocratic and military levels, on down to the microcosm aspects that fill in the rest of the cracks of society.
And some may be wondering whether these troublemaker bosses are even consciously aware of what they’re doing and the negative energy that seems to be driving them, and I think in many cases, if not most, the answer is no. When it comes to the really big positions however, I’m sure they do. But in the everyday smaller situations they’re probably just being themselves, which is a match for a certain type of energy/force, which then has an easy time connecting to them and manipulating the world puppet show at large.
Considering the content of my latest article, “The Hidden Puppetmasters” and everything else on my website I probably seem like I see “hidden forces operating in our reality!” under every rock and around every corner. And, uh, yeah I apparently do actually. And I’m unabashedly proud of it. :D Once you’re clued in to this sort of thing you can’t pretend you don’t know and deny things that flagrantly seem to point in that direction. To be fair though there are definitely good bosses in the world, no doubt, and I’ve had a few. The good ones really stand out though because unfortunately it’s far more common to experience the negative/crazy ones throwing wrenches in the works at every turn.
ADD ON – February 23, 2015. An article was just sent to me by somebody who was aware of my……interesting “adventures” in the work place, because the article matched up to stuff I’d ranted about to them in an email. :D But the article is called Snakes at the Water Cooler: The Reptilian Presence at the Office by author Cassie. The article is about what the title says – the (negative) reptilian energy’s very negative affects on a work place, including the archetypal characters you’ll encounter at a reptilian dominated job, their stereotypical checklist of behaviors, all the shenanigans that ensue, and the damaging psychological toll it takes on the non-reps. Basically I described in this “Thoughts” write up so much of what Cassie writes about in her article, without even realizing it. (which goes to show how accurate her article is, which btw came out 11 years ago……!) This article is so freaking accurate of the things I’ve witnessed and experienced firsthand over the years in my working world adventures that it’s kind of scary, which is why I definitely have to recommend it.
What could be scarier than Grays and Negs?
Recently a reader commented in an email that she found many of my experiences terrifying. Which is understandable, I mean, I’ve had a lot of very weird, woo woo happenings, especially years back. (though not so much at this point in life.) Things that most people probably have never experienced, so it does indeed sound scary. But recently I’ve been pondering on how it’s not the Gray aliens or neg entities that are so terrifying. It’s other people. Yes, neg entities can be oogedy boogedy….so long as you believe in their power. But the second you stop, they can’t hold on and beat a fast retreat. People though? That’s a whole other story.
Seriously though………if you can survive a world amongst people then how hard is it to face off against a neg entity?? Think about that for a second.
Every day most of us leave our safe, secure places of residences and willingly put ourselves in the path of……………………..other human beings. O.o :D
Case in point: My current temp job is at a local university, where I report to the department’s secretary, sitting at a desk located outside her office. (that’s it, that’s the example. the end. Yup, people are scary. :D j/k.) But yesterday I was forced to overhear one of the PhD level instructors standing in her doorway, regaling the world with his tale of crazed road rage. This Phd level Dr. Instructor is a white guy in his early 50s maybe, by my estimation, really cocky, and somebody who takes pride in being the guy who throws a wrench in the works, based on other conversations I’ve overheard from him. So that’s him in a nutshell. So apparently while he was out driving on the 95, up here in Palm Beach County and the Boca Raton area, a woman obliviously cut him off. Which yeah, can be annoying, no doubt. He immediately snapped into Rage mode, and started honking like crazy, getting up alongside her, keeping the horn going and gesturing wildly. When she proceeded to ignore him despite his mad attempts at gaining her attention he completely lost his shit. After that, it was on. [by the way I’ve had more details of this story clarified to me since I posted this on 10/17/13, so I’ve changed the details that were originally wrong. Namely that the incident took place on the 95, not surface streets. Other than that everything else was correct.]
Now, I’m not holier than thou, I’ve been in this situation myself, with some woman (here in south Florida) who didn’t see me and suddenly veered over, cutting me off like I wasn’t even there, almost causing an accident that was narrowly avoided by probably less than 2 inches….and who then proceeded to ignore me as I honked. “I don’t see you….don’t care….screw you.” So yes, I get how it can be aggravating…………but life goes on. Right? Well, not for PhD instructor dude it doesn’t. For him this was an invitation to go apeshit crazy. He began to give chase to this woman on the 95……….for miles, apparently. Honking, screaming and gesturing, and when he’d catch up to her he’d point at her with a stabbing finger and mouth “YOU’RE GONNA DIIIEEEEEE!!!” as he relayed with proud bravado. That’s what really got me about the whole thing too……..how proud he was. At no point did it ever occur to him that what he did was embarrassing, or wrong, or even slightly out of line in any way, and that maybe he should uh….keep this little story to himself? Maybe lay low afterwards?? You know, just pretend that little indiscretion never happened? Nope. So the female target finally pulled over on the highway and was making a call on her cell phone, most likely calling the police he guessed. But as he relayed, “So what, you know? She can’t see my license plate!” laughing and grinning. Meanwhile the department secretary laughed hysterically at every word of this unfolding road rage tale, egging him on and thus, indirectly confirming to him that what he did was cute and funny. Normally she’s a nice woman, but as I’d already noticed by my second day on the gig her personality is such that she laughs and agrees with anything that anybody says, no matter what. She’s somebody who’s a master of just agreeing and going along, placating people and ego stroking. “Yes, yes, I know, I know…” while nodding with furrowed brows, pretending to empathize with things I’m sure she doesn’t care about, laughing and laughing at things that aren’t even funny, while telling people “You’re hysterical!” I think it comes from years of dealing with all the students and their questions and issues, but now she’s just running on autopilot with it.
So after the woman got out her cell phone he said he continued past to make her seem like he was scared and giving it up……..only to circle back around via some interchange on the 95, come up behind her and continue where he left off. When I originally thought he did this on surface streets I didn’t think much of that particular detail. But now knowing he was on a major busy highway like the 95, and had to circle back around via an interchange…..?! Wow. So there was more chasing, honking, screaming, pointing, and telling her she was going to die. Until eventually he decided to give it up.
As I relayed to my boyfriend Tom, I’m prettttttttyyyy sure that had the vehicle been a carload of guys, especially down in Broward or even Miami, then he wouldn’t have even considered doing what he did. He did what he did because he assessed up the “threat” of this female by herself, determined her to be no threat at all, and combined with the arrogance and invincible mentality that often goes along with so many PhD people anyway, decided she was safe to target.
And after he was done proudly regaling everybody within earshot of his “hysterical” tale of crazed road rage, he proceeded to head off to go teach his next class, dressed in his professional white collar clothes, complete with the eye glasses, where according to “Rate My Professor” he’s been rated a top notch professor and one of the student faves. Looking as completely normal as could be. Nothing to give away his behavior from earlier. Who would ever think the outer appearance masked such a bad ass gangster??? I am truly amazed!!!! o.O
And the scary part is, the world is filled with these people, just….walkin’ around, blending in. Looking completely normal, even holding high up jobs out there in the Matrix Real World, sometimes with PhDs even, but who underneath are ready to snap on a dime and go apeshit crazy. Over petty nonsense.
Which brings me back to my original point. I’d rather deal with a neg entity coming around in the middle of the night, trying to be a parasite, sometimes even looking “ooooh…..creepy!!” then to deal with other people. And it seems nowadays so many people are just hanging on by a thread, psychologically. Whether it’s going disproportionally apeshit on the drop of a dime, or just mentally losing it with some sort of psychological break. Last year I mentioned on my site (in my “Headline Dissection” section) about our then-upstairs neighbor Becky back in Virginia who had a bipolar mental meltdown in June 2012, of which we were witnesses because we could hear everything going on upstairs. And the end result was that she wound up driving around in the middle of the night totally naked, until the cops found her and she was hospitalized. Then she was released….then hospitalized again, because her meds weren’t the right cocktail. And now fast forwarding to the present, and how a couple of weeks ago our next door neighbor E___ here in Boca – who by the way, is a PhD adjunct professor at another local (prestigious) university – had a total psychological meltdown as well. Apparently he’d gone like a week without sleep, as we later learned, though the reasons for this remain unclear. We’d already begun noticing an issue over the weekend of October 4th, 5th and 6th when we overheard him outside on the apartment’s hallway/balcony talking to himself, which included speaking gibberish, with Tom noticing that he never seemed to go to sleep, remaining up all night long, which is not like him. But it culminated on the morning of October 7th, when E____ came knocking on our door when I was at work. Tom let him in, and E____ proceeded to mumble something about how “poison was getting pumped into his apartment,” and he wanted to see if it was happening here too….and then he started going into our coat closet, rooting through stuff, and knocking on our walls, roaming the apartment in a daze, alternating between sentences that made sense, and then total gibberish, until Tom directed him down to the apartment complex office because he had no idea how to handle this. Tom watched from our apartment and saw that E___ did go into the office, and that eventually a friend showed up to collect E___, and they drove away someplace. Yet E___ was back that same evening like nothing had happened. So obviously nobody he came into contact with in the office, or his so-called friend really noticed or did anything about what was happening. They just let him go on his way.
And it was back to the roaming/pacing around outside, sweating, and talking gibberish to himself. Then later in the middle of the night (early Tuesday morning by that point) he was down in the parking lot roaming around, periodically yelling out crazy scary sounding noises that were almost animalistic. My eyes flew open in bed at 4:45 am after hearing one of those noises, with my nerves on end. I jumped out of bed and went out into the living room where Tom was still up, on his computer (he’s nocturnal). I just stood there, with this alarmed look, and went “Is that E___?!?” He just nodded, saying this has been going on all night. My response to the noises E___ made and his unstable behavior was more scared/alarmed then dealing with most any of the neg entities I’ve tangled with. I think probably because E___ is normally a sweet guy (and I mean genuinely sweet, not fake “psychopathic masking” sweet, though I’ve always noted that he doesn’t seem to be all there mentally….) so this behavior was shocking.
Needless to say it was finally me who took action and contacted the apartment complex office the next morning to report what had been going on. Not in an angry/complaining way, but in an alarmed, why is nobody doing anything about this?!? sort of way. The first girl I spoke with has her own obvious issues she’s dealing with, as I’ve described her as acting like she’s “tranqued out of her head all the time.” Totally passive, slow energy, talks super low key, and just seems dazed. Not because of low intelligence I suspect, but more likely that she’s on some sort of mood related psych medication. In a confused daze she relayed that noooo…nobody else had reported anything with E___ acting crazy…..then she passed me on to the actual office manager named Cindy, who’s a super nice, with-it woman. Cindy explained that it was “tranq girl” as I’ll call her, who was in the office when E___ came in yesterday, so she herself didn’t get a chance to interact with him. (which probably explains why nothing was done. :/ Tranq girl is always in a daze, so, how would she even be able to recognize somebody else having issues, let alone do anything about it? :/ ) But Cindy immediately acted on what I reported, and called the non-emergency police number to have an officer come out and check on E___. The long story short is that the check resulted in discovering that E__ hadn’t slept in almost a week, and he was taken away to a hopsital, where he spent several days recovering. Now he’s back home and looking and acting like nothing even happened.
The problem is, I don’t think the issue stemmed from just some random, recent bout of no sleep, because weeks back there was an incident where I came home from work, and there was E___ sitting outside, working on some class-related paperwork at his patio table, and he cheerfully said hi and started chatting with me……….but I couldn’t understand a thing he was saying. O.o It went above and beyond his heavy Caribbean accent, it was just total nonsense. My eyes just got big and I nodded like, “uh, okay…yeah….uh huh….um, I gotta go now…..see you later….” then I ducked inside. When I saw Tom I mouthed “oh….my…..GOD!!! I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK HE JUST SAID!! WHAT’S HE EVEN TALKING ABOUT?!? OH MY GOD!!!” laughing. So, whatever the problem is, there’s more to it then meets the eye. According to Cindy this has happened once before, though not nearly as severe as the recent breakdown, and she indicated that he’s on medication.
And meanwhile he gets up and goes to teach class several days a week at a prestigious university. O.o And nobody ever noticed anything was amiss several weeks ago when he spoke gibberish to me. I could not have been the only person he came into contact with several weeks back whom he spoke nonsense to. And if I hadn’t contacted the office during the actual full on breakdown, then how many more days was E__ was supposed to be out wandering the balcony and the parking lot sweating profusely, talking gibberish, and intermittently yelling like an animal before anybody noticed or did something???
And that’s the world we live in, and it’s what’s scaring me. Nobody notices. And nobody cares. How many people are relying on meds to keep it together and to be able to function on a day to day basis? What’s going to happen if society’s infrastructure breaks down, and people run out of their meds? You have so many people walking around who look normal on the outside, but who are either total sociopaths on the inside, like the road rage instructor mentioned earlier, or, psycholgically fragile and needing to rely on meds to keep it together. And right now, so long as the world continues to remain relatively “okay” then everything’s…..okay. But take away the stable infrastructure, and then what? What’s road rage instructor going to do when a person really infringes upon him in some way? If that’s how he reacts to somebody cutting him off and daring to not acknowledge his ego when times are good, and he’s got a well paying secure job, food in his belly, a roof over his head, and all his needs provided for?? Hate to see what he turns into when times are bad. O.o
The recent manufactured “government shut down/debt ceiling crisis” has brought all of this to the forefront of my mind, because for the first time in years we were truly on the brink of things falling apart. Again, despite how manufactured it all is. People who are aware know the plan has always been to dismantle the current infrastructure and establish “the dawn of a new day,” as Jordan Maxwell has described it in his research. But to see that we’re on the brink of it finally starting to happen is a little freaky. And even if it’s manufactured that doesn’t make it any less scary. And not scary for the usual reason people might think, such as their creature comforts being taken away, and food shortages. But for the sole reason of….other people, and the way they’re going to react.
Years back I said that one of the scariest scenes I’d ever seen in a movie wasn’t any paranormal/supernatural scene, in some “horror” movie. It was a scene in “War of the Worlds,” where Tom Cruise’s character and his family are driving in the only working vehicle, and get accosted by a crazed, frenzied crowd of people desperate to get their hands on that van. Screaming, trampling over each other and smashing out the windows, yanking them from the van, beating the shit out of them, with no regard for each others humanity. Total STS animalistic panic mode. When I saw that scene in the theater it was really alarming, and a reminder of how things really can go. And it’s scarier then any paranormal woo-woo that I’ve ever encountered.
It will be interesting to see what’s going to happen in the next 1-2 years, that’s all I can say.
The passing of Stuart Wilde…and why it’s good to not make anybody your guru.
This will be a (relatively) quick entry, just kind of commenting on the passing of Stuart Wilde on May 1, 2013. Readers who’ve perused my recommended books and websites section will know that I’ve recommended several of his books over the years, as well pointing people towards some of his articles and such. (while in recent times also making sure to put a disclaimer, due to the direction he’d gone during the last couple years of his life. !! Way too many contradictions and delusional statements going on.) But with the news of Stuart’s recent passing on May 1st, more and more people are coming forward discussing the downside of Stuart’s…… personality defects you could call them. cough. !! The alcoholism and drug use, ripping people off with weird, useless new age gadgets, the exorbitantly priced seminars that funded his extravagant lifestyle, which in itself contradicted his message of minimalism and going “Tao,” the delusional proclamations about all sorts of who knows what, and worse yet, the way in which him and his cronies targeted the attractive females who attended his groups, playing the game of “separation through paranoia and fear.” The last one really got my interest, only because my boyfriend and I experienced the opposite form of this with a very well known and currently still quite prominent internet metaphysical group that my boyfriend used to be a part of years ago, headed by a middle aged female and her husband. This group is no longer headquartered in the U.S., and basically is more or less all done through the internet, but back when they did still live in the U.S. my boyfriend had met up with them a couple of times in person, and one of those times I tagged along for fun. But as it turned out, the female leader of this group is quite fond of trying to get the male members of the group to break up with their female partners/wives by convincing them that their partners aren’t “co-linear” with their beliefs, and even better……..are energy vampire Organic Portals. (but especially when the girlfriends/wives aren’t members of the group, which was the case with me.) Once she gets the males to ditch their non-co-linear organic portal nuisances then I guess she now gets to have the males’ undivided attention (and money donations) all to herself I take it. I really don’t know or understand what purpose it serves, but what I do know is that years after we experienced this, my boyfriend still hears from people who write to him via his website telling him that the female leader is still engaging in this behavior. He heard from one female only several weeks ago actually, who was still hurt and reeling from what happened with her boyfriend who was convinced to believe she was an “organic portal” and thus, ditched her. So even though I don’t fully get the “why’s” behind it, I do know that it is still happening, and I definitely wasn’t the first girlfriend she targeted. Or the second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh…..
So I admit it was a little surprising to hear that Stuart had basically been up to the same exact schtick, only, trying to remove the male partners/husbands of the attractive female group members, with the purpose of being able to sleep with the now available women. I knew the dude had problems, and Tom and I had pointed them out to each other for years, while shaking our heads, because even over the internet it was clearly evident. But even I was a little surprised to hear that behind the scenes with his inner circle he took things to that level. It’s one thing to be a bumbling alcoholic who sometimes cranks out incoherent blog postings, and it’s one thing to behave as if you’re schizophrenic, and it’s one thing to be prone to delusions of grandeur, but it’s another to knowingly, deviously, try to break up relationships with lies, all for self serving sexual gratification. It’s just a different level.
Despite all of the above Stuie shenanigans however, I more or less just have a shoulder shrugging attitude about it all. Because despite being a fan of his writings, I never made him a “guru” of sorts for myself, and I never shelled over hundreds/thousands of dollars to go follow him around and attend his seminars, I would never have even thought of drinking Ayahuasca with him, or anybody else, and I wasn’t stupid enough to buy his products. Probably sounds obnoxious to say, but that’s what it is. It’s something I talked about years ago back on the now defunct Noble Realms message board that Tom ran, but it’s the simple idea of not putting anybody above you on a pedestal. (This came up with regards to David Icke, when an NR member expressed his growing disenchantment and disappointment in something David Icke did, or was doing, because he was a big fan.) It’s okay to get inspiration from other people’s words and ideas……….but leave it at that. Don’t mistakenly believe they are more than they are. Always know that they are just fallible humans. Nobody here is a god. Everybody is just a fallible human. When you don’t put people on pedestals then you won’t be hurt or disappointed when they do something that goes against who you mistakenly believe they are. They key part of that phrase being “who you mistakenly believe they are.” Because that’s the big issue. People often see what they want to see, and they project onto others what they need them to be. I’ve experienced it myself over the years just having this website. I can’t even count how many people have projected onto me who they wanted/needed me to be for them, and the second I went against their mistaken assumptions by saying something in an email that veered away from what they thought they understood about me they popped their tops. It’s nuts. And I’m just little ol’ me, some chick out there in the world with a small website in the corner who doesn’t promote myself and whom most people haven’t even heard of. Forget somebody to the level of Stuart Wilde, and the kinds of projection people were putting onto him. On the one hand he talked all this Tao Zen talk, so it’s kind of understandable that people expected him to be a certain way. But on the other he didn’t exactly try to hide his glaringly contradictory lifestyle, with the alcohol, drugs, and being a “perpetual traveler” that travels around the world living in high end hotels. He was very open about that. What exactly did people think he was doing with those $800 a pop exorbitant seminar fees? ;) I mean, come on. It doesn’t mean it was right, and it’s not something I myself would engage in, but it was all there out in the open for people to see…..if they only would have. There are also vids on YouTube showing Stuart engaging in Q&A sessions with his audience……and where it’s very clear that his answers have very little substance and the dude was just bullshitting his way through things. Vague, generic, bringing nothing to the table, and stuff the audience could have come up with on their own if they’d wanted. I remember watching one of those and kind of laughing to myself like, Really dude? Wow. I knew then I’d definitely never pay to see him speak somewhere. :D
With Stuart Wilde, I still feel, despite what I now know, that much of what he wrote was right, and very useful…….even if it wasn’t really him writing it. O.o Which is now coming to light. That he, like many professional guru authors out there, was most likely using “ghost writer help.” And even though he apparently wasn’t able to follow his own words (or words that were supposed to be coming from him, ha) and walk the walk it doesn’t change the fact that much of them were still correct. The dude and/or his ghost writers knew what people needed to be doing, but he quite obviously wasn’t able to do it himself. So, for me anyway, much of the message is still valid, even if the messenger himself was actually a big bucket of Fail. Since I felt that a lot of his writings did have value I just picked and sifted my way through his work. Namely I just focused on his books and articles, weeding out whatever nonsense and contradictions were mixed up within them, and didn’t even pay attention to any of the rest of what he did, from shilling weird new age gadgets, to making delusions of grandeur claims that nobody could prove, to hosting $800 a pop seminars. (Though I admit, by the end it was getting increasingly more difficult to do even that, since so many of his blog postings were dreck. What would get me were the vids that he posted from like, YouTube or something, supposedly showing real UFOs captured on video, but which were clearly hoaxed. And not even very well, either. Or other vids that were just stupid hoaxed nonsense conspiracy stuff that anybody with a brain should have been able to notice. Or vids that he was claiming supposedly made a certain point but which in fact were making the opposite point, if he’d only actually watched the vid and had listening/viewing comprehension. Or the way in which more and more posts were about mindless celeb drivel. It was like, what is this nonsense?? Who’s really putting out this blog?? O.o So I stopped checking in to his site for a while, but then caved in and eventually went back to checking in, out of pure curiosity, like a train wreck you can’t look away from.)
It’s interesting too to read people commenting on the way his latter years were full of paranoia and delusions, because he began discussing the ghouls, and UFOs and the negative elements of this reality. Many people feel he’d lost his mind, and it was all due to taking Aya. That there was “pre-Aya Stuart Wilde” and “post-Aya Stuart Wilde.” As somebody who has had many a woo-woo experience in life, without the aid of drugs, I don’t just dismiss what he said, or feel that it has to be a black/white choice between Stuart’s earlier works and his latter works. Some of it was indeed loony sounding. But in my opinion there was actually a lot of truth in there too. Pick and sift, pick and sift………. And something you see a LOT of with these “groups/cults gone awry” is the way in which they take a (most likely) true and valid concept, and twist it around to use that knowledge towards negative ends. In this case Stuart using the idea of neg entities/ghouls to convince a female that her boyfriend either was one, or had some serious neg/ghoul activity surrounding him so therefore she needs to ditch him. Or like that other internet metaphysical group/cult I mentioned at the beginning, who uses the idea of Organic Portals (which I still actually think has validity) to convince all the male members that their female partners are one, so they get rid of them. Disgruntled people often then make the mistake of throwing the entire concept out the window because it was misapplied towards devious ends. So, it’s something to be aware of.
Stuart’s gone now, but other guru leaders and metaphysical/spiritual/religious/philosophical groups still exist, and they always will so long as there’s a potential audience for them. That’s never going to change. So if your goal is to grow and evolve and be a better person, but without getting taken advantage of and seriously derailed by tricksters, then when it comes to any group it’s better to pick and sift and find what parts of what they’re saying that works for you, but while staying on the sidelines. Definitely use others’ words and ideas as inspiration to help you get to where you’re trying to go, if that helps, just don’t get too sucked in, putting all your eggs in one basket, and completely following some leader by putting them on a pedestal, swallowing whole everything and anything they say, do or promote. And just as important, be willing to see when there’s problems developing, gross contradictions, and/or devious behavior. Don’t be afraid to question what you’re seeing or reading. Call it out, it’s okay. Even if nobody around you is. Remember the story “The Emperor’s New Clothes”? ;) Exactly. Somebody has to be brave enough to stand up and say something. (You see this nervous fearfulness and reluctance to be the one standing up and questioning nonsense and bad behavior with any religious/metaphysical/new age group or cult.)
It’s just in my view that no one group or person holds all the answers.
What the frickity frack was going on back in March and April 2012??
[A few email excerpts from readers are at the end of this entry]
An actual update to my site…..strange, I know. !!! It’s not much though, and I probably should have posted this oh, I don’t know…..back in May.  But whatever. I wasn’t sure at the time if it was actually worth talking about, but the longer I’ve thought about it I figured it was worth mentioning.
I don’t even know how to begin with this one, other than to say something very strange seemed to be going on with time back in March and April (2012). Which is reminiscent of an earlier entry in this section concerning “When Time is Off.” So the subject may be a bit redundant. And I don’t mean to turn this into a “blog,” that focuses on every weird little anomaly that I think I’m perceiving with reality. :D But with March it was like time slowed down…..freakishly so. March was like the month that just wouldn’t die. It felt like it took six weeks to get through those 31 days. Then April kicked in. boomboomGone! Before it had even started we were already approaching May, and me, and other people were doing double takes and asking “WHAT the…?!?!?!”
But it’s more than that. Me and one of my ‘net friends named Kurt both independently concluded that we felt like we’d actually lost a week in April. It wasn’t just that it passed by so quickly, it was that we’d only experienced about three weeks of it. YET…..paradoxically we both also realized and agreed that we could account for the entire month. We both remember being at our jobs, seeing the dates go by each day, remembering various things we did throughout the month. There was no actual “missing week” per se…….but yet there was. Which makes no sense, I know. How do you lose a week when you remember each week?
But it’s even more than that. As Kurt said to me recently in an email when we were talking about this phenomenon again (all email excerpts posted with permission from him, bolded words my own emphasis): “I had been writing the dates down on stuff at work, so WHY was I so astounded that it was already the end of the month? It’s like I knew it was the end of the month, but there was also a part of me that DIDN’T know it. It was so amazingly strange.”
Yeah, I’ll say. !! For me I had the same exact bizarre “knowing but not knowing.” Back story: April 25th is “Administrative Professionals Day,” and it was a very pointed day for us at my job, for reasons I won’t sidetrack onto, but needless to say it was a very pointed day, and I was WELL aware of the date, because I was also this close to turning in my resignation that afternoon. In turning in my two weeks notice resignation it means I was obviously well aware of the date and what my end date would be. I remember seeing myself playing around with the paper flip calendar that sat on my desk, analyzing dates and fantasizing about quitting my job and what the last day would be should I turn in my resignation that day. :D I didn’t go through with it (on that particular day…) but that’s not the point….
……because then April 27th rolls around. Two days later. I’m sitting at my desk and a woman from HR comes by to give me some lapel pins that I’ll need to include with next month’s anniversary letters that I send out, and I realize with a jolt…….I haven’t even created next month’s anniversary letters yet because I’d completely lost track of the date. Something that hadn’t happened before. In fact when she came in to give me the pins for the May letters I couldn’t even place at first what the date/month was. There was total confusion for a split second.
After she left and I was back by myself I sat there, feeling befuddlement, almost akin to “missing time” that abductees report. It was to that level. I stared at the date looking back at me on my phone clock, April 27th, feeling like something was seriously wrong. I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. To me it felt like it should only be about the third week of April. (and actually, it felt like it was only yesterday that it had been March.) I didn’t just dismiss it either, thinking I was crazy or that I’d just been too distracted by life or something to really pay attention. I actually ruminated over the whole thing, retracing my steps through April, and I remembered how in particular it seemed that every time I turned around it was already Friday again. Which is the opposite of how things normally go. Usually Friday can’t come fast enough. During one particular Friday it actually gave me a slight pause, because it felt distorted. And the more I thought back on it all I realized…..it feels like this month was only about three weeks long. I feel like I’m missing a week. Hence, why it “should” only be the third week of April. Yet, I realized I could account for every week as far as I could tell. There was no actual “missing week.” Yet it felt like there was. I mentioned this “time flying” thing to my coworker and she too agreed, in particular the way that every time we turned around it was suddenly Friday again. It was literally a first for both of us. Then I talked to Tom about it later on at home. He works from home, and doesn’t have that same rigid 8-5, 40 hour a week schedule that me and my coworker have, so his perspective would be really good. But he too agreed….March just dragged, and April flew by.
When I emailed my ‘net buddy Kurt in Wisconsin I thought to mention this on the offhand chance that it rang a bell with him. Kurt is really into researching the weird side of reality and in particular, the idea of these unusual times we’re living in with everything that involves. He has an open, yet discerning mind, and reads and participates in several message board forums geared towards the weird as well as having a large network of ‘net and real life friends. He pays attention to woo-woo patterns going on with his large group of real and virtual friends, and the things that people are reporting. We’d both experienced enough synchronous happenings between us by that point that I figured, if what I’m saying doesn’t ring a bell with him then it means it’s probably not happening, and it’s just me being a nut. :D So I tossed it out there in an email, to see what, if anything, he thought about it all. Now, it’s important to note that I didn’t mention that it felt like it should only be the third week, or that I felt like I was actually missing a week. I left that part out of things. But surprisingly I got this response back:
“Jesus, Carissa, this just keeps getting weirder and weirder. LOL.
This morning, shortly after I sent you that email, I got a text message from April. Her son needs minor surgery in May, and she asked me if we could do a shift-switch so that she could be at the hospital with him. Of course I said yes, and she texted me the dates. It was like the 10th and 11th of May. I thought to myself “that’s fine…that’s like a whole month away yet”, and I glanced down at the date on my taskbar. My jaw seriously dropped. I literally said “what the fuck?!” out loud. Thinking that the date on my computer was screwed up, I got my phone and looked at the date on it. It was the same on my phone…April 27th. I was honestly in shock. I thought it was mid-April, like the 13th or 14th.
Sooooo…I of course freaked out, realizing that I had to go around and pay bills and send out my rent check QUICKLY. I scrambled around, took money out of the bank, and was running around all flustered paying my bills. I was parked outside city hall to pay my electricity bill when I got your email on my phone. I literally laughed out loud when I read what you wrote about April.
Seriously…what the fuck?!?
It’s like I completely slept through an entire week in April.
The weird thing, to me, is that at work we have to write the date down on the router, and I can remember writing down stuff like 4/21, 4/23, etc, so why was I so utterly shocked this morning at the date?!? I knew it wasn’t mid-April, so why did I think it was?
And then when I got your email, I was like “wow….”.
So yeah. I thought that would amuse you. :) Something is definitely going on. I don’t even question that anymore.”
Like Kurt, I’d obviously written down dates, and had memories of the entire month, and even had that one pointed day on April 25th, only two days prior. Yet here I was feeling befuddled like none of that had happened. It just did not make any sense. Even stranger, later on in May when reflecting back on Admin Professionals Day and how I’d almost given my notice before leaving work I realized it felt to me like that had actually happened a week or so later, in May, instead of happening before. And when I mentioned that to Tom he actually frowned a little, puzzled, and totally agreed with me that in his memories it felt like that had occurred sometime in May. But no, that was clearly April 25th.
Talk about distorted time.
March was a weird one though, with the way it dragged, and also with the total sense of foreboding doom that I and several others I’m in contact with had. Kurt in particular noted about that time period:
“And there’s the whole thing with the week of the solar flares in March (around the 22nd or so, right?). Before that week, I had been working on my bugout bag like crazy, buying things for it, and listening to podcasts about survival and survival skills. All while being in a weird, cranky, on-edge mood. And then all of a sudden, all of that just stopped and everything went back to normal. Now, my bugout bag sits in the dining room, untouched since March, and I haven’t listened to a survival podcast since that week. It was almost like all of that was a kind of programmed backup plan in case whatever happened/was supposed to happen that week actually happened.”
Same here. During March Tom and I pulled out our “bug out bags” and cleaned things out and even bought new supplies from the outdoor/camping store, as well as online. I was reading one of the survival books we have on hand during my lunch breaks, brushing up on things, and all of us were watching survival shows (like “Dual Survival.” :D Love that show, we watch downloaded episodes on our computer. Yeah, that’s right, you can concentrate a weak beam of low angled late afternoon sunlight through a bag of urine and make it spark your tinder to get a fire going. :D :D :D ) I had no sense of the future beyond March, feeling a deep sense of depression and hopelessness about things, and refused to make any plans “until we make it to April.” Come to find out that one of my ‘net friends named Lydia (whom I have met up with in person several times) who now lives in Colorado was feeling the exact same way – not making any plans until we at least make it to April. So we had people scattered about in Wisconsin, Virginia and Colorado all feeling the same depressed feeling of foreboding, and wanting to see if we can even “make it to April” before moving forward in life. (When we passed April 1st I emailed Lydia, with the subject line saying “We made it!”)
Then once we did make it to April, after the long, never ending month that felt like it dragged on for six weeks, it was like something just….lifted. It was like we had “made it.” As Kurt noted he put aside the renewed bug out bag obsession, specifically having the thought that “This isn’t really important at this moment…things have changed for now” pop into his mind, and it was the same here on our end. Just as suddenly as I frantically began “cramming” for survival tips I dropped it, the need evaporating. For now, at least.
What cemented my idea that we weren’t just imagining things in terms of how we were perceiving time in March and April was the way that three of my – very mainstream, non-woo woo – coworkers were still commenting as of mid May about the way March just draaaaaaaaagggggggggged, and the way April just flew by in a blink. The fact that a) they had even noticed, and b) were still talking about it incredulously all these weeks later, says to me that something was indeed amiss.
What was actually happening back then, I don’t know. But in talking to different people the general idea is that it seems something big and catastrophic was supposed to happen in March, involving what though, I don’t know. I deduced that whatever it was, it was small enough that we stood a chance of surviving through it – otherwise, why the urge to brush up on survival skills – but it was large enough to ruin our way of life for a very long time. If not permanently. Hence, the feeling of intense foreboding depression, like everything was pointless and nothing mattered anymore. And somehow, whatever this event was, it was averted. And the process of the aversion, however that worked and whoever was behind it, caused some major time anomalies, noticed very loudly by even the most mainstream “matrix” of people. That’s all I’ve got. I’d be curious to hear from anybody who may have also experienced something during March and April of 2012 or who has any insight into what it may have involved. firstname.lastname@example.org
A few email excepts from some readers, all posted with permission (bolded words my own emphasis):
From Alaska: “…. Anyways, my jaw dropped for a few minutes when I checked out the top entry of your ‘Thoughts’ page. Although I’ve mentioned bits here and there to friends regarding this topic, I’ve never had the heart to tell the whole story (until now, thanks to you!):
March 2012 was perhaps the weirdest month in recent memory. Many elements caused me a lot of confusion, especially since I’m the classic ‘Type A Personality’: organized, controlled, contained.
First was an odd combination of emotional chaos and psychological fatigue. Emotionally, I was fraught with quick cycles between extreme depression and destructively hedonistic tendencies. The only other time I’d experienced this was during my two battles with cancer between the ages of 20 and 25, which I honestly didn’t know if I was going to live or die on a week-by-week basis. I experienced the exact same sensation four years later. At the time, I assumed it was some form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from my health issues, but there wasn’t any particular event that triggered it.
Secondly I noticed my usual skill at time management was gone. Kaput. I had landed a lucrative project with a client in the second week of February and had projected the completion date by the end of March. I’d already completed over half the project by the first of March- yet by the end of the March, I’d only completed an additional 25%. I’d been genuinely productive for the entire four weeks, and had been somewhat aware of working more slowly than usual, but that was ridiculous. Never had I encountered that situation professionally, either before or after that time. How could I have done so little during days that never seemed to end?
[…] I never would have thought it would be possible for such a ‘Perfect Storm’ to hit and be so disruptive to every aspect of my life, but March of 2012 will always be a time period I will reflect upon as a humbling and confusing experience that made me realize that no matter how hard I try to be, I’m really not the one totally in control. […] “I forgot to add in my original story that the intense weirdness of that time period last year was attributed by the locals as being an unusually difficult case of cabin fever (that affected everyone…?) It was my tenth winter up here, and I’d never ever gone through anything like that before, so simple comparison eliminates that as a possibility….”
From Germany: “….it is only because of your article that I realized that in a very reduced way it was similar for me, too. I also experienced several weeks ago a somewhat vague but disquieting sense of foreboding doom with an accompanying reluctancy to wait and see. I can say that time did seem to pass rather slowly during the past months for me, too. Then on a whim I borrowed two sets of survival DVDs from the city library and had repeated thoughts about refreshing our (very modest) emergency water supply (which I didn’t do in the end :/ ) . I also bought a new pocket-knife with survival scenarios in mind. I’m living in Europe and not the USA so that could explain why what I experienced seems only like a damped down version of your experience because maybe the whole strangeness was more about your part of the world.”
From the U.S.: “I can, however, confirm that on a personal basis, March was an exceptionally “heavy” month for me, and what made it unique was that there weren’t any personal reasons going on at that time that could explain why everything was so…well, heavy. Time did seem to speed up in April, but this was only unique for me in contrast to the previous month – it has seemed to me as though time has been accelerating exponentially for at least a decade, and so April merely seemed as though things were back to “normal”.
From Pennsylvania: “There certainly was something ‘not right’ about March – because I didn’t feel too ‘good’ either (and not because of what happened to my friend) – but just in general. It felt like a ‘black depression’ type of month and I certainly hope to never experience it again. It just seemed like all this ‘heavy/dark’ stuck energy (on the collective) reared its head that month and was finally pushed away (hence April going by fast). I feel that the ‘heavy/dark’ energy is what made that month feel so awful and made it go so seemingly slow.”
From New Mexico: “Just to give you some idea of what I mean; last night I pulled up your blog because I have been experiencing time lines being really off. My mom each week for the last 3 months has been saying “It’s Friday again”…time is literally flying! I just read what you said this in a recent update about this under “Thoughts”! Then, I am trying to figure out what happened in April, because there is a week that is just gone…I can’t place it, I know it happened, but I couldn’t put my finger on it!! 2 weeks ago I was documenting when my start date was at my new job (April 20th), but I couldn’t remember it for the life of me. I had to keep looking at my calendar, trying to put the timeline together, but I couldn’t…and why it’s so strange is, my youngest son’s birthday is April 23rd and that was my official first full day…but I don’t remember it…I don’t remember his birthday. I recall us having a little dinner with family that night, but it’s like it never happened!”
From Hungary: “As for depression, according to my logs I had suicidal thoughts several times in March…”
From California: “I’ve only written you once before and that time it was simply to say “Thank You”, this time however I figured I jump in on the March/April one. While I’ve read through your site as well as Toms and found myself doing the “bouncing dog head in the back of the car deal” in agreement and understanding more than once, I have to say that even with all that’s known…this time felt different.
“A friend and I were warned last year that in March of 2012 “Hell Was Coming” (for lack of a better term). No matter how it was tried, there was never an answer given as to the (who, what, why or how)…only the when. With that warning came an odd desire to prepare. As I live in California being prepared for the unexpected kinda goes with life as you know as you never know when we’re gonna be rockin and rollin…but this again was different. I wasn’t adding to the “earthquake kit”, I was amassing a “survival kit”.
“She and I had decided that 2012 was the year she was going to come out to California for a visit and all through March when we’d talk of her visit in April, I’d always find myself saying; “IF we make it until then”. The feeling increased to such a point that we even made plans on where to meet up should all Hell break loose. What bothered me the most was the “degree and depth” of the feeling. I don’t do the whole “doom and gloom” deal. While I don’t turn and ignore, I also don’t hit the ground and surrender…as either action “feeds the enemy” so to speak. But again this was just odd. After April 1st (couldn’t relax until after just in case they pulled a “April Fools” deal lol), all I could think is that we dodged one hell of a bullet. Now what that bullet was exactly, who fired, or how or why we were able to dodge…I haven’t a bloody clue.
“Obviously tho, we made it through and after April 1st you’d think that the time would drag on waiting for her arrival. Nope…April took off like a bat out of hell on fire…and before we knew it (and I do mean before we “knew” it as the time passed but without our knowing it until we went back over the days) she was here. As this was the first time she’d visited me we made plans to go and do, so keeping track should have been something we were able to do.
“Yea well…that didn’t quite go as planned because we were continuing to lose days (so to speak), and that was with 3 of us being quite aware of the time. We knew we had experienced the days as when something would screw up we’d look back over and could “account for” (by the calendar)…but it just didn’t add up (if that makes sense). Hell even on the way back from dropping her off at the airport on the 22nd, I literally had to keep reminding myself I’d just dropped her off…that I hadn’t done it days before. Now I was fully aware that I was driving home from the airport, and had the normal thoughts and feelings of having enjoyed the visit, missing her, etc., but when I’d think of her it was in a matter of days not minutes (1 hour trip from airport to home). Now that I’d kept to myself until my daughter mentioned about 3 days after she’d been back home that it felt like she’d been gone well over a week already, again not due to the emotions, but in the passage of time itself.
“I have to admit that it being as tho it was “missing time” but not…sooooo fits. I just wish I knew what the hell. On top of that question of “what the hell happened” I also have one about what’s coming. Now again I don’t do the doom and gloom, and I don’t scare easily (besides they have others they can do that to and feed from)…I do however have an odd feeling that whatever it was, whomever etc. isn’t done (so to speak in a specific not generalized way as they’re never done lol).”
From the U.S.: “I actually just now read your article about time wonkiness in March/April 2012. I too felt a major sense of foreboding in March 2012…so much so that I got extremely suicidal and checked myself into a mental hospital to keep myself from going through with it… I honestly don’t remember much about April, but definitely in March something was going on…”
The Backdrop People
I just finished up the latest installment of Dolores Cannon’s Convoluted Universe series, Book IV, and there was something in it that really stood out. So much so I want to take to my website and bring attention to it. It concerns a concept called “The Backdrop People,” and was even mentioned as a selling point on the back cover. I love the “Convoluted Universe” series in itself, and would have bought the book regardless, but when I saw where it said “The unfamiliar concept of the Back Drop People” mentioned on the back cover I already pretty much knew exactly what it was going to involve, and it made me look forward to reading the book even more. If I was right in what I suspected, then it was definitely not going to be an “unfamiliar concept” for me.
For starters, for those who are unfamiliar with Dolores Cannon, she’s a hypnotist investigating past lives. Dolores has been regressing people for decades, and while most sessions are pretty mundane (she talks about how boring and snooze worthy most past lives tend to be :D ) every once in a while something really interesting comes out……such as parallel realities, incarnations as non-human entities, life in other realms and on other planets, future lives, the between life state, you name it, complete with the “mind candy” (as she calls it) revelations that go with them. So “The Convoluted Universe” books are a compilation of those spectacular and revelatory sessions she’s experienced with people. (Some of those incidents are so spectacular that they wind up getting their own entire book in itself, such as “The Legend of Starcrash,” “Jesus and the Essenes,” the “Nostradamus” series, and so on, and I highly recommend those as well.) I’ve always been interested in past life regression stuff and have read various books on it over the years, but you can only read so many before it just gets repetitive. Like, Okay, we get it, people live more than once and have had other lives that effect the present one, good or bad, there are lessons to be learned, karma that needs to be balanced, etc. etc. blah blah blah. So if you’re ready for something a little more, then the Convoluted Universe series are good books to read. It’ll give you stuff to ponder on, and maybe even corroborate some things…
…Which would be the case with the “back drop people.” Flash back: In my book ‘Chasing Phantoms’ I mention something that my brother relayed to me when he supposedly had his first overtly known abduction, and was supposedly able to speak with “Them” back in October 2001. To be clear, I didn’t, and still don’t, take his story at face value, and I think that whatever actually happened to him is probably not what he thinks happened or the version he relayed to me. But, it doesn’t mean something didn’t happen. And I definitely have my own proof that he was involved in “stuff” and was no normal person, by any means. So I did listen with interest to whatever revelations and insights he passed along, just in case, and diligently logged it all on my computer. Most of those insights made it into my book. And one of the insights that I passed along said this:
- Only about 3 out of 10 people are actually real anymore. About 30% of the population. If that. The rest are what you could call drones. Empty shells, background characters, puppets of the program….
I always found this insight to be one of the most interesting that he relayed for some reason (next to the one about faked reality in general) because it had large implications. And definitely implications about my own reality. Due to the many jobs I’ve had in life, and all the moving around I’ve done and people I’ve lived with, and also including my immediate family, it means I’ve had to deal with my fair share of people up close and personal……and it’s shown me that something is clearly very wrong here. So much negativity, craziness, troublemakers, so many stories it’s unbelievable, and I just got to a point where I wanted to run off and go be a hermit in a cave. Just so ground down and tired of this place, and everybody in it. So hearing about the idea of empty shells, drones, puppets, background characters stood out. Based on what I’ve seen and experienced I could definitely believe it, and it would certainly explain a lot of things. However I also realized I had to be cautious of anything that Joe was relaying because there was a lot of manipulation and neg agenda stuff working through him, seeming to try to steer me in a particular negative direction, of which I discuss in my book. So, don’t just automatically believe it. Maybe it’s true. Maybe it’s not. So just put it on the back burner. And maybe eventually corroboration will come in.
And now, flash forward to 2012, and we see this in the latest “Convoluted Universe” book. (“D” stands for Dolores, and those are her questions to the hypnotized subject Suzette, who is “S.” Bolded sentences my own emphasis):
S: It’s like those people back at the cave, they’re just people. They don’t have a path. They’re just people. I had a path. That child had a path.
D: So if you choose an option, you don’t go off that path? Is that what you mean?
S: Yes. there’s just so many in this room where the crystals are that choose a life or have a path. The rest of the people aren’t sent here on a path.
D: What are their lives for then?
S: It’s like a backdrop.
That was a strange statement. I had never hard of that before.
D: What do you mean?
S: In a movie they paint something around the person so there’s a backdrop.
D: So the others don’t really have a purpose?
S: Right. They come to live, breathe, work and die.
D: Is there any hope that they might find a path, or are they a different kind of soul?
S: They didn’t choose. They’re just here to be part of the backdrop. They’re slaves. They’re slaves that go from one star system to the next and they are used as a backdrop.
D: Just to be there for these persons with a purpose.
S: Yes. For you to learn, to stay on your path, you have to have these other people in your way, living beside you, but you’re here for a lesson and they’re here for a backdrop.
D: Yes, but sometimes they create problems, to try to pull you off your path? (Yes) Is that part of their purpose, to distract you? (Yes) But when you’re in your body, you don’t know all these things, do you?
S: Not all beings are the light source. Not all light beings are the light source. They’re just here as energy to help us with our lessons, to create chaos, or to work or just to live. Certain beings go to learn the lessons for the light Source. It’s like you’re just a higher being.
D: Then the other ones, they don’t evolve to become higher beings?
S: No, they’re just energy. Like making a movie where they use extras.
D: But the ones on the path, the higher source, can they recognize each other out of all the mass of other people? (Yes) If we could do that, we wouldn’t let things bother us so much, would we?
S: That’s right.
D: If we knew they were there to add drama, I guess you would say? (Yes)
D: What is it you want Suzette to do to help?
S: Teach the young. They came here, too, but everything is going to happen quicker. They’re going to help sooner because there’s only….OH! My head hurts. (I gave her suggestions again.)
D: Why do they have to learn quicker?
S: Time is short because of these lower beings. All they want to do is hurt each other. They want to destroy each other. they want to destroy the land, which hurts the animals, the trees and the water. And in short, you have to get to the youth so they can spread the words and help heal the planet.
D: The adults are not going to be able to help?
S: The higher source adults. The others have gone from doing their jobs as backdrops to being angry. They want to be angry at somebody or something and all they want to do is kill…kill or hurt. (She winced in pain again.)
D: I’ve heard there are some that are not going to be able to be saved.
S: No. The backdrop people, but they’re angry.
D: The vibrations are changing. So the backdrop people will stay with the old Earth? (Yes) And that’s why they’re angry?
S: Yes. It’s like they’re acting and they got a script and they are playing this part, and their part is to destroy this planet.
D: they have anger about this? (Yes) But the planet cannot be destroyed, can it?
S: No. It can’t be. It’s just like when the dinosaurs died and the trees died, but everything came back to life. Not the dinosaurs or the trees, but they don’t know that part of it. But this is a beautiful planet. This is a beautiful home. Not as pretty as the crystal place, but….
D: Then the backdrop people will stay with the Earth going through all the changes, the catastrophe part?
S: Yes, they won’t survive. They’ll be gone. The others will move on. This new place will be so beautiful. The vibration will be so high and this will be a learning place.
D: That’s what I was trying to understand. It will separate into two parts?
S: Yes. It’s like two levels, and the old Earth will be on one level, and the new Earth will be on the higher level. But they won’t see each other, like they’re in two time warps.
D: So those that are left with the old Earth will live out their lives in a different way? (Yes) You said those people are not evolving at all?
S: Yes. They’re just like the backdrop, you know, like paint a picture and paint somebody on it.
D: So as the Earth goes through all the changes and catastrophes, there will be many people dying.
S: Yes, yes. there will be a lot of that. (Matter-of-factly.)
D: But they choose this before they come in anyway?
S: No, not so much choose. They’re kind of like slaves. They’re taken from one place to another to do whatever they need to do there because they are just energy.
(The following was Dolores’ own commentary after mulling this over and putting it together with other hypnosis sessions that have talked about the “two earths” and the upcoming changes and “sifting” that’s supposedly going to take place):
“It is now my opinion that these are the ones who will be left with the Old Earth, the Backdrop People because they do not have a higher vibrational purpose. They teach us lessons by their mere presence, but they are not intended to evolve further. These are the ones who will be left behind. The ones who realize their higher purpose and raise their vibration and frequency will travel on to the New Earth. There will be those who came in knowing their mission and had high ideals, but they let the negativity of the others pull them down and influence them. Those will also have to stay with the other energy on the Old Earth as they separate. This is why it is important for us to realize that it is only an illusion and find our role in the creation of the New Earth, and our part in helping others find theirs. And not be sucked into the angry energy of the Backdrop People and be stuck on the Old Earth….”
As far as the idea of a splitting earth, and a sifting, with those who evolve and move on and those who are left behind, the jury is still out on that one. It’s something I’ve heard about for years now, and I’ve made mention in my writings about splitting/diverging realms and such, which relates to that. (courtesy of learning about it from various other sources, and feeling like the concept has validity.) But I reprint all this because even if that aspect is not true, I still find the idea of “back drop”/background characters to be fascinating and important for consideration. Specifically what Dolores notes: “And not be sucked into the angry energy of the Backdrop People.”
For myself I know that for my entire life I’ve let myself get sucked down into the negative, angry energy of what could definitely be considered “backdrop people” letting them almost ruin me you could say. That’s why this resonates with me so strongly, and why I want to pass it along to others. I know that ever since my brother relayed what he did about the background drone puppets in 2001 I always kept it in mind as a possibility, but really, there’s just no way to prove such a thing. So I had intellectual knowing of a concept that could be very real, but which I was reluctant to truly implement into my daily life. Later I came across the concept of “organic portals,” which is very similar, though it’s not presented in the same way that the backdrop people are. But the gist is the same: a large percentage of the population who are basically a hive mind group soul, lacking individualization, and lacking their higher chakras and a higher self. They are incapable of spiritually growing and evolving, and don’t reincarnate the way individualized souls do. And they also apparently obtain energy from the spirited humans around them (usually through negative means) since they can’t generate it themselves. Hearing about OPs in 2002 was the first time I’d encountered material that seemed to even be remotely validating what Joe had relayed to me a year before. But I soon learned what a landmine that subject is. To say it’s “controversial” in metaphysical circles is putting it mildly. It provokes some very strong reactions in people that seem to be acting as rabidly barking gatekeeper dogs, is the only way to really put it. I can understand if someone is skeptical of an idea and/or decides, Na, this idea doesn’t work for me, I don’t believe it. But the rabid barkers seem to actually be trying to steer people away from even looking at the material, using any means possible to do so. (the big one being to liken anybody who even considers the idea of OPs as being the equivalent of Nazis who want to exterminate all the Jews. You see that comparison a lot, which is laughable. Talk about extreme leap of bad logic.) “Nothing to see here folks, move it along! Nothing to see! (insert rabid barking, ad hominem attack and other crazy bad logic to deter people away from that line of thinking.)
So I put the idea of such things back out of my head again, because again….there’s no way to prove such a thing anyway. I can’t see people’s energy, though I wish I did, and so I’m unable to know who’s who and what’s what around me via sight (Though I’ve met a few trustworthy people who do have the sight, and who’ve reported such things as non-human entities shadowing humans, and/or disguised as everyday regular people, as well as verifying that they’ve seen people with no auras and such, walking around amongst those who do have them. Which I think could be a whole other separate, though related subject in itself…..) I do a good job intuiting people, but I can’t “see” things directly. Then starting around last year I began revisiting the subject, when I began thinking “What if all those people who’ve pissed you off and dragged you down and hurt you and who you’ve invested bitter energy into for so many years…….weren’t even really real? O.o Seriously, what if they aren’t what you thought they were? What if you’ve been expending negative bitterness and frustrations and hurt feelings to the equivalent of an inanimate object?” So I’d been tossing that idea around, going back towards considering the idea again, and then I come across this in Dolores’ newest book in early 2012 talking about this exact same thing. Other than the OP’s thing, hers is the only other material that I’m aware of that delves into such a concept.
Most of us don’t have the sight and can’t know for certain if somebody is really an “OP” or a “backdrop person” just here to fill in the blanks and get in our way, as Suzette relayed, and create drama and chaos so we can learn by their mere presence. But you can certainly keep it in mind as a very likely possibility when thinking back on anybody who’s created problems for you in life, and/or creating trouble for you in the present. Knowing that the possibility exists means….there goes the negative energy you would have wasted on either nursing a past grudge or getting sucked into a current drama. Because seriously….would you sit there and get pissed at a rock, for instance? It’s a rock. What’s the point, right? Or in the case of a past grievance/hurt, just realize, Okay, I was dealing with someone who was acting like a robot. Got it. No need to harbor all this negative energy for something of that sort.”
We can’t change the “rocks” that got in our way in the past or do anything about the way in which we let them get the upper hand on us before, but we can make sure more “rocks” don’t get the best of us again. “hmmm…I could be dealing with a rock here…..Best to err on the side of assuming they’re a rock and not feed into this nonsense.” :D And most importantly, we don’t want anybody dragging us down into their pit. Can’t imagine anything worse than getting pulled off one’s path and permanently derailed….over a rock.
Just something to keep in mind, especially in these times and with whatever’s coming up around the bend……
Newbies at the vulnerable crossroads
This is another Thoughts write up that was inspired by an email exchange with a reader, and I mentioned to the reader that I would probably use my response to her to create a bigger write up for my site. So, here we are. This was something I was going to write about maybe two years ago or so, but didn’t have the energy or inspiration for it for some reason. But it has to do with newbies to conspiracy research, metaphysics and woo-woo happenings, and their vulnerability as they find themselves navigating an area they’re often times not prepared for.
Many times newbies who embark on the world of conspiracy “truther” material can find themselves descending into paranoia and fear very quickly. In particular people can find themselves paranoid about being monitored, and then “put on lists” of some sort. That’s a big one, you hear about these “lists” a lot in the world of newbie conspiracy researchers. As was the case with the woman who emailed me, she admitted to being paranoid several times in both her emails, and kept trying to get me to agree to communicate through encrypted emails and secured chats. Later I found out it was triggered by a fear of being watched and put on a list for getting involved in woo-woo discussions over at Godlike Productions. Here’s an excerpt of my response to her:
“Being honest here, I’m not going to entertain the idea of “secured chats” and “encrypted emails” and play into all that. By engaging in that it’s saying I buy into it and believe it’s necessary. And I don’t. Way back at the very beginning of me waking up to conspiracy stuff I started going down that path too, I was on the fence where I could easily have gone in one of two directions, and I’ve since noticed that most people who are waking up to the conspiracy/metaphysical truths find themselves at that precarious crossroads at the beginning of their journey. Almost like an archetype. It’s like a right of passage. But many don’t make it through. They unfortunately succumb to the fear and paranoia and then it becomes like a snowball rolling down an mountain, bigger than themselves and taking them over. They mistakenly believe this “stuff” is more powerful than it actually is, and give it waaaaay more credit than it deserves, buying into the nonsense and playing along with the games when they really should just roll their eyes at it and wave it off. […]
“I can’t reiterate enough in my book (which is free, you don’t have to pay to download it) or the gangstalking article about the kinds of woo-woo things I’ve gone through and what I learned from it all………………and how this stuff isn’t happening to me anymore. Because I changed my response to it. My attitude has been: If stuff wants to watch, let ‘em. If stuff wants to listen, let ‘em. If they’re going to do that then hey, at least give them something worth watching and listening to, seriously. When you do that you take the power away from anything that would try to have you believe it has the upper hand. When a person truly does not care then they have nothing to work with, and there’s no choice but for them to move on to somebody else. The well has dried up for them, so to speak. (And this is all stuff I say in my book, practically word for word, complete with anecdotes.) I’ve apparently been followed and monitored, had weird craziness go on, both of a physical and paranormal nature, then I finally learned what the deal is with the “fear frequency” and “the man behind the curtain” and just got to a point where I stopped caring, literally, overnight. Did a 180 in attitude from one day to the next. (This is mentioned in both the gangstalking article and in my book.) And everything stopped. Is it a coincidence? I don’t think so. Over and over again both me and my boyfriend have seen and proven for ourselves that reality directly interfaces with our thoughts, fears (or lack thereof) and conscious or unconscious expectations, then delivers based on that.
“From what I can gather, “stuff” doesn’t just erupt in a person’s life going from 0 to all out madness overnight. It has to breach one’s realm, gain a foothold, and then from there it builds. And builds. And builds, relying on the person’s negative, paranoid, fearful responses to perpetuate it to the next level, creating that snowball that gets bigger and bigger. This is how, in both of our opinions, some people get to the point where their targeting or gangstalking, or whatever it is, has gotten to such an intense level in their lives. It’s because they weren’t able to nip things in the bud back at the beginning. And I do understand about such things that like electronic frequency harassment, which is above and beyond mere “thoughts and fears interface with reality.” But in my book I talk about what me and Tom did to combat that as well, passing along the tip about electrically grounded mylar sheeting so readers could benefit from it. (including a link to the article on Tom’s site where he shows people step by step what to do to get it set up, complete with pics/diagrams.)”
“In the 6 years that my website has been up I’ve realized that this has become my #1 biggest pet issue, the one main theme that seems to come up over and over throughout my writings. I wish I could scream it from the rooftops….. “
So those were the highlights. Are there really “lists” that we’re put on, just for discussing woo-woo and conspiracy stuff? I don’t know. I tend to think not, but, I could be wrong. If there are, then I really don’t care. I think it’s all an eye rolling scare tactic. It reminds me of a my cat who likes to run around up and down the hallways sometimes for no reason and get herself worked up, fluffing her fur. :D Like something she does to amuse herself. Besides, in my own case, some “government list” is the least of my worries, considering I’ve been monitored and tagged and taken my whole life. Attention didn’t start when I suddenly became aware of things back in 2000, 2001. It was already going on, under the radar, for years. So some government “list” is the least of my worries, seriously. They’re a little late to the game. Something else already beat them to it back when I was a kid. They can take a number and get in line. :D
So for newbies as I’ve seen and experienced, they really are at a fork in the road crossroads, or, on a fence where they can fall towards either direction. But what they do and how they choose to react at the beginning will determine everything about what happens (or doesn’t happen…..) later on. A point I will return to in a moment. In my own case, I’ve referenced how I found myself kind of being thrown head first into the world of conspiracy awareness and metaphysical/paranormal happenings very suddenly in 2000, but really taking off in 2001. There was a lot coming at me, a lot of information to process and strange happenings that I didn’t understand, and I pretty much had nobody to reel me in or give me some level headed advise…..save for Tom, in late 2001, long distance. And that is unfortunately the case for most conspiracy and metaphysical/paranormal newbies. They don’t have anybody to go to to talk about this stuff, anybody who’s aware and on the level and who maybe has been there themselves and learned a few things who can give them good feedback and advise. At most, people usually only have everyday normal types around them who have no idea what the newbie is even talking about, and who have zero interest in these subjects. (In my write up “The Vortex” for instance I talk about how I had nobody around me to explain to me what in the frickity frack was happening to us in our paranormally polluted apartment back in 2000, because nobody I knew at that time had any experience with that sort of thing.) So that’s a major repeating issue that one finds with pretty much most newbies.
To clarify though, Tom didn’t help with the naive paranoia and fear I was experiencing back then, he helped just by being there in general, as somebody I could talk to about the weird stuff and brainstorm about what’s going on in this reality. A lot of it I pulled myself out of on my own, due to the nature of my no-nonsense personality. I had to figure things out in terms of the fear frequency and had to arrive at a point of being fed up with the nonsense and putting my foot down and no longer playing into the paranoia and fear-inducing games. Nobody can “make” us get there, we have to figure out the light bulb realizations on our own, for our own reasons, in our own time. (he himself also traveled the same path of having to get past the paranoia and negativity, during the same time period I was. So in a way we went through it concurrently.)
For me though it did take a little bit of time to get there…..enough time that things were starting to take root in my reality. And had I not gleaned the awareness of the fear frequency when I did at the beginning of 2003, along with several other factors coming in from the positive stuff at that same time, then in my opinion I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this right now. So, just in the nick of time I guess, because as people can see when they read Part II of my book, things were getting really weird by that point. Can’t imagine how much worse it would have gotten. ;D So that’s what I mean when I said earlier that how we respond at the beginning determines everything that happens – or doesn’t happen – later on. And I’ve seen many newbies who seemed to be “past the point of no return,” where nothing seemed to get through to the them in terms of snapping them out of the fear and paranoia, unfortunately. Instead they were on a downward spiral, kind of going crazy with it all and letting it derail them in life. But if somebody had been able to catch hold of them at the beginning, guiding them through that precarious minefield we all face at the beginning of “waking up,” then maybe things could have gone a little differently.
Something else I’ve heard a lot from newbies is that they tend to inundate themselves with so much information that they become completely overwhelmed. It’s understandable that when one is waking up to stuff that they would want to eat up as much information as possible from every source they can get their hands on, like a thirsty sponge that can’t get enough. The problem there though is that there usually is a total lack of discernment going on. Newbies too often have a tough time trying to differentiate between a valid source of information and ones that are yanking reader’s/listener’s chains. Everything gets swallowed up whole, no filters. But the fact is, a lot of the information out there is very one dimensional. It tells you one small part of the story and leaves out most of the other important puzzle pieces, so the newbie is receiving limited and skewed information that they then may run off the rails with. (Again, because they have nobody around them to guide them through the madness.) So something important for newbies to keep in mind is to keep a level head. Pace yourself and don’t overwhelm yourself. Take breaks when needed. (A lot of newbies put the pedal to the floor and just “go!go!go!go!go!” for months straight, then burn themselves out and/or get to a point where their personal frequencies are completely frazzled, then they sometimes walk away from things completely, as I’ve seen, which is just as bad. So taking breaks and pacing yourself is essential.) Use discernment and question everything. Don’t just take people’s word for something. Anybody can say anything out there, but it doesn’t mean it’s true. Also, just because something is from the “alternative media” does not automatically mean it’s closer to the truth than the mainstream media. Sometimes they’re just two sides of the same coin, causing equal amounts of problems. Try to gather up a broad range of information to get the widest possible perspective on things. And don’t allow yourself to get swept up in the paranoia. A lot of people may resonate with that, so there’s nothing I can say that’s going to change that if paranoia is an innate need within somebody. But for those who are just looking to become informed, and find themselves getting swept up in fear and paranoia as an unfortunate side effect, then just know that probably half of what you’re going to read out there is bunk and designed to get people worked up in order to play on people’s fear. Nobody can know for sure what’s going to happen in the future. The only thing you can do is get your own ducks in order, and be prepared but calm. That’s all any of us can do. No sense in freaking out and being paranoid and full of terror for things that are most likely out of our hands.
For newbies who find themselves at the beginning of their journeys, it’s all about getting informed and aware, which is a good thing and absolutely necessary, but without giving neg/dark stuff more credit than it deserves and believing it has more power than it really does. Balance, as always……………
Paths not taken
Recently a reader emailed me some links to websites and podcasts/interviews concerning accusations against UFO/abductions researcher David Jacobs. The reader thought I might be interested to hear another viewpoint on him and his work since I have some of his stuff recommended in my “Books and Websites” section. I was interested and perused the websites and listened to some of the links. And from what I was able to tell, it seems there’s definitely an issue there……though that’s not the main point of this write up. (As I told him, I’m not emotionally invested in any of these researchers even if I recommend their stuff. So if somebody turns out to be a fraud, or at least, a bit questionable in their methods, then I just nod and shrug, and if necessary, remove their links from my site and move on. No worries, no personal ego investment.) Basically some of David Jacobs’ research subjects are disgruntled with their experiences with him, meanwhile, as Jacobs has talked smack about them on his website and in interviews, causing them to formulate rebuttles on websites of their own. And this is what got my interest, more so than the idea that there could be issues with Jacobs’ questionable hypnosis methods and beliefs. It was the whole “he said she said” finger pointing back and forth accusations, rebuttles and amped up drawn out histrionic drama. That’s what stood out for me. It made it intolerable to sit through the whole podcast thing I was supposed to be listening to. (the podcast consisted of taped phone conversations between David Jacobs and one of his research subjects, as they went back and forth, on and on, arguing about stuff that ultimately doesn’t matter in the big scheme of things. It was painful to listen to all that wasted time and energy. Not my cup of tea.) But more importantly, it reminded me about everything that is completely wrong and messed up in the world of UFO/alien abduction and MILABS research. And why I chose to not pursue it and walk away.
Though let’s face it, I was a reluctant participant in the first place, as described in the “About” section on this site. But once I got going I realized I had a lot to say, and personal, firsthand experience to back up what I was talking about. There was passion and enthusiasm to put out what I knew and what I’d learned, in order to help others. (and part of “helping others” includes “amusing people with stories and anecdotes to help them pass the day at their jobs as they surf the ‘net, hopefully giving them something interesting and weird to think about.” ;D ) Though despite all that I never felt a drive to really “put myself out there.” The idea of possibly giving interviews or pursuing things to that level was unappealing. Those big name authors who get their stuff published in mainstream publishing houses and then go on tours, giving radio interviews and all that………..no thanks. Not for me. Just quietly do self publishing, offered up on the website, including a free download, and just lay low. (In the mainstream world, in this time line, I never fit in and have always pretty much been on the outside looking in, a misfit, or where things are off kilter with me, making me impossible to nail down. I don’t belong to or match with any particular group, and so far I’ve found only one other person in my entire 36 years who’s on the same wavelength and a match in all the ways that are important. So why should things be any different with the woo-woo world, right? ;) )
And as time wore on, it didn’t take me long to notice the things that author and woo-woo researcher John Keel notes in his book “Operation Trojan Horse,” reinforcing my instincts to be on the outside looking in. The rampant neurotic paranoia and fear in people who are claiming to be targets. The immature craziness of so many of the people I was crossing paths with. (I have so many stories I wouldn’t even know where to begin, but sometimes part of me wants to do a write up about some of the troublesome people I’ve encountered in the past few years, but I’ve decided not to.) Keel even says in “Operation Trojan Horse”: “The phenomenon preys upon the neurotic, the gullible and the immature.” So it’s not just me noticing this pattern. Keel also talks about how the woo-woo phenomenon is basically a life ruiner for many people. They don’t know how to handle it, they go crazy with it and let the paranoia, fear and craziness derail them. I’ve seen that too. So I was reminded all over again when trying to listen to those David Jacbos “he-said she-said” pod casts of all the things that make it very unappealing to want to get involved in that particular scene and/or to put oneself out there in any sort of “loud” capacity. (or why I’ve also been leery of the idea of seeking out mainstream researchers for “help.”) The whole scene is just nothing but trouble. And as noted in my “About,” section I used to have reservations about writing a book about MILABS and such because I’ve seen all the crazy women who tend to be involved in that scene. Back in 2006 I heard from one of the craziest women I’ve ever had the unfortunate experience of dealing with, named K___, who believed she was a MILAB, and later ran to MUFON to seek help. And of course the MUFON “therapist” person was getting her all riled up, giving her some quiz that she then used to determine that K___ was definitively, absolutely an abductee, etc. Talk about frustrating and annoying. (I’ve made it a point to never tell anybody who contacts me what they do or don’t have going on in their lives. It’s not in my place to diagnose anybody’s situation, and I’ve had to let some emailers know that I wasn’t about to do that for them after they asked me to point blank tell them what was going on with them, or what stuff meant for them. People who take it upon themselves to diagnose others while seeming to relish the hysterical reactions they generate are ego wankers on a God trip, in my opinion.) And K__ being the way she was was of course just going crazy with this diagnosis, letting it fuel an already troubled/unstable, gullible and very immature, illogical personality. Lot to say about all that, and the conclusion was that I had to end the email exchange and block her email address. (she was also trying to bother my boyfriend Tom with various nuttiness, to the point where he had to start ignoring her emails.) At the point where I had to end things she rebuttled with a hysterical threat that she “wasn’t going to recommend my book to anybody anymore!!” To which I clarified, Wait, you mean……..the book I give away for free? That book? Um. Okay. Apparently she thought that I was in this for the money (because let’s face it, pretty much everybody else is…..) and that her threat would actually affect me financially. Like I would respond with, “Oh no! Now I won’t be able to pay the rent! Please don’t do that! I’ll do whatever you want! You own me! You control me!! ahhh!”
A few years later I discovered through hits showing up on my web logs that somebody who sounded just like her showed up on the Godlike Productions crazy forum from hell ranting about me, and telling people there that I had tried to “handle” her in our exchange. As in, mind control handling. When in fact she’s the one who reached out to me, then I had to end it and block her so she couldn’t keep contacting me after it became clear something was very wrong with her. This sound-a-like on the GLP also made threats that she was going to go around on the ‘net to tell everybody about me. (“oh no! Now I won’t be able to pay the rent! Please don’t do that! I’ll do whatever you want! You own me! You control me!! ahhh!”) Which is how I pretty much knew it was her. Hysterical threats were her schtick, you could say, revealing yet again that she was on par emotionally with a small child who resorts to fits when she can’t get her way. But, that’s what you often see in the woo-woo scene. Crazy people, sometimes downright deranged as was the case with this particular woman, emotionally immature and disturbed, exactly as John Keel noted, with rampant paranoia, accusations, delusions, fighting, drama and even more paranoid delusions. People like her are what make this whole endeavor a big turn off, and why I’ve removed my email several times from my home page then caved in and put it back up.
Like I said, I have a lot of stories, namely people I’ve crossed paths with via email and messageboards, but one of them involves the way in which “stuff” attempted to get me sucked into a very public, he said-she said finger pointing accusation drama with a very large, well established group/website on the ‘net. So I’ve had my taste of it, enough to know what it’s all about. I’ve written about it here in the “Thoughts” section actually, in one of the below entries called “The Only Winning Move.” Just scroll down. What’s interesting is that the internet woo-woo metaphysical new age conspiracy group I mention in that entry (who shall remain anonymous) is STILL, to do this day, as of March 2011, talking smack about me over on their website forum. ;D And talking about my boyfriend too, since he was their first and foremost target, but definitely my name is tossed around too. (To the point where this group has gone as far as to put out fake channeling material from their famous entities that supposedly verifies their claims about us. They know that coming from them, mere humans, the flame war means nothing. But hide behind channeling from their infamous entities and that will have clout in the new age woo woo world. What’s funny though is, the male co-leader of this group showed up on my boyfriend’s message board forum back around 2006 or so, posting some of this faked channeling material that talked about us…….and where these entities referred to me as “lyra.” The handle name I used on that particular board. Whoops. I saw that and just laughed. Oh REEEEaaally! So these entities call me “lyra,” a fake name from a random message board that you guys have nothing to do with, and not Carissa, my real name? ;D Yeah, sure, this channeling is legit. I imagine there was some scrambling around behind the scenes, and soon the male leader was back, reposting the supposed channeling where my name was changed to Carissa. The sick part though is that their devoted followers believe it, and swallow it up whole with no questions asked.)
Problem for them is, I’m not biting. And with the exception of one post on her forum which I talk about in the below entry “The Only Winning Move,” I’ve refused to bite all these years. (I define “biting” as making a formal public statement where I directly name them, and take them on point by point with anything they’ve ever said or claimed about us, as well as throwing in an extra 2 cents personal assessment of who they are and what they’re doing, and what other people that I have either personally met or spoken with have said about their own interactions with this group.) Maybe on another timeline I did bite and got sucked into the nonsense, but then maybe things got changed around. You never know. Maybe in this one I got smart and didn’t get pulled down into what I call “the demon pit.” That’s the pit full of fighting and hatred that the negs want to suck everybody down into, and we’ve all probably been pulled down into it at some point or another. (I used to, a lot, until I wised up and learned how to start walking away.) I always have this image in my head of this fiery pit of hell, full of writhing, screeching negs trying to grab onto anybody within range that they can pull down into this pit. Another phrase I like to use is “rolling around in the mud with the pigs.” But when it came to this particular group I glanced down into the pit, thought, “umm….no thanks……” and kept right on walking. Not interested in the drama, the games, the endless back and forth of self righteous, indignant rebuttles in defense of the ego. The finger pointing, paranoia, accusations about who’s an agent, who’s COINTELPRO, who’s a plant, who’s a mole, who’s a psychopath, who’s a this, who’s a that, drama, negativity and more drama, fighting, energy drain and time wasting.
But that, unfortunately, is what encompasses so much of the UFO/abductions/MILABS/conspiracy research. Drama and in-fighting, groups that never manage to remain cohesive, and endless, paranoid accusations. (Even worse are the people who claim that they don’t enjoy the fighting and persecution they receive, and yet, behave as if they relish it by constantly talking about it on their websites/blogs, even going as far as to reprint entire email or Facebook exchanges. ;) Means they enjoy it a little more than they’d like to admit.) To me it’s 50 percent stupidity on the parts of the people involved, and it’s 50 percent negative interference to sabotage all efforts to try to get to the bottom of what this reality is, and who we really are in relation to that reality. Keep everybody paranoid, scared, fighting, pointing fingers, and allowing themselves to be sucked into petty dramas. The same goes for the mainstream world, where everybody’s kept distracted in a myriad of ways so they never manage to wake up to what’s really going on and what this place really is. I once received an email from somebody who used to work with UFO/conspiracy researcher Jordan Maxwell but then apparently had a falling out with him I take it, and had filmed this “hit piece” on him or something featuring testimony from Jordan’s brother that was supposed to be accusing Jordan of bad behavior. Then he started a website to put this footage up and emailed the link and info. out to a bunch of people, myself included. My response was something to the effect of, I have no idea what this is, I don’t know why I’m receiving this, I’m out of the loop, and that’s exactly how I like it. We [me and my boyfriend] live in peace in Virginia, and I’m not looking to get involved in all this drama. It’s not my concern. Then I’ve had people (that I don’t even know!) who, for whatever reason, put me on their email mailing lists, and so there I am getting cc’d on their back and forth fighting emails between them and some UFO/alien/abduction/conspiracy/woo woo group they belong to that I’ve never even heard of. I guess thinking that I would be so interested to read all this fighting and finger pointing and accusations flying back and forth of total random strangers. “Get me off your stupid mailing list” is basically my response to that. I mean seriously, who actually enjoys spending their time engaged in that? Excuse me while I go knit socks and hats for orphans or play my flute.
Over the years both me and my boyfriend have had ideas for different things we thought we might want to try out in terms of taking our writing and research further, but in the end things fizzled out. We lost interest and never pursued them or they just faded away. We both decided to just stick to writing (though he does the occasional radio interview and such) though for me the writing seems to be petering out as well. Paths not taken. In the end, for me anyway, those other paths wouldn’t have amounted to enough to make it worth the effort. (he agrees for himself as well.) Could be negative interference, as written about on this site, or it could be positive time line tinkering, going back and deciding not to go down certain routes and continuing to just lay low and remain on the outside, looking in. Ultimately I’ll never know. But for all I know there could have been unforeseen consequences of those other paths. After all, the more you put yourself out there, the more attack and negative attention you risk inviting in. I kind of have to wonder what all those synchronicities and deja vus were all about all these years, what events were being changed, what they were connecting to. Maybe it was that sort of thing. So I had this obsessive drive to write about what I know and to put together my book…..but then it’s like I ran back to the cave afterwards to go be a hermit in the hills. Not interested in all the unfortunate garbage that often times goes along with it all. Just….slipping in and out the side door, trying not to actually get involved with anybody or anything.
Stuie’s etheric protector dogs
This week on 1/21/11 I had a strange experience while sleeping, probably around 4:30 am or so. All week I’ve been having slight sleep disturbance you could say. This week I had this thing where nearly every morning at 5:30 am I would experience some startling shock to my system causing extreme stress and anxiety, seeming to be for the purpose of energy/loosh feeding, I take it. I don’t know who or what was behind it, or why this week, but, that’s one part of what’s gone on this week.
Then while sleeping in the early hours of 1/21 I woke up realizing that I was completely paralyzed……….to the point where I couldn’t even breathe. (I was lying on my stomach.) Couldn’t move a muscle or even take a breath. This was a total first in life. I’ve experienced mild forms of “paralysis”….when some neg entity was around, holding me in place. But never to where I couldn’t breathe, and felt like I was being suspended in some sort of paralyzing stasis without an obvious neg entity being in the vicinity.
My first instinct was alarm, and the desire to fight to get a breath. But then my calm, cool headed practical side kicked in, which thankfully is this side of my mind that I’ve had since I was a toddler (long story) and serves in emergency situations. It kept calm and the thought was “You have enough breath in your lungs to last a little longer, so focus on being able to move first. Once you’re able to move you’ll be able to breathe.” Prioritizing. :D In retrospect this was absolutely the best way to approach things, because no amount of fighting for air was going to be strong enough to work. I needed to fight to be able to move in general first, then the rest would happen.
So I obeyed, and began pushing back against this force that was keeping me in place, trying to move myself even the slightest bit. It was extremely uncomfortable to do this, there was just so much resistance (as well as the knowing that I’m not breathing, putting added pressure on), but I push push pushed, until FINALLY I broke through and was able to move. Then the first thing I did was take a GASP of air as I pushed myself upwards in the bed, eyes opening a little. I saw the darkness of the room, with the light from the living room coming in through the door that was opened a crack. That first moment of being able to move again felt really good.
Then I promptly went back to sleep. Also kind of strange I guess. But I wasn’t scared or worried and just went right back to sleep like it was nothing. (as mentioned in other write ups….I loves me my sleep! :D ) Also as noted elsewhere throughout my writings, I have this tendency to not take things seriously. Stuff happens – paranormal woo woo, neg attacks, you name it – and I just go back about my business nonchalantly. So this response was a bit of the norm.
Sometime after that, before my alarm went off, I had a dream with a dog in it. A medium sized, short haired dog, and when I was trying to focus in on him in the dream to figure out what kind of dog it might be I started to determine features that seemed to be sort of pit bull-ish. (but not in a bad, menacing way.) The dog was very calm, and I think my mind picked pit bull because in recent times I’ve been reading pit bull rescue stories, and I have so much sympathy/sorrow for the whole dog fighting travesty. So it was like my subconscious was trying to determine a look for the dog and started to formulate that. I don’t know. I was happy to see this dog and got down and threw my arms around him, hugging him and just holding onto him.
I don’t normally have dreams with dogs in them, only rarely, here and there, but I can pinpoint when they first started – June of 2004. At that time I had a “dream” (it wasn’t a normal dream by any means) where I was in some place that seems like it could have been the astral maybe. No determining features, just a dark gray/black color of some sort. There were three Golden Retrievers sitting in a triangular formation, each one facing outwards, looking noble and dignified. Like they were keeping a look out. A voice from an unknown source said matter-of-factly, “They’re here to protect you.” That was it. End of sequence.
Then some months later there was Judgment, from the tall guy. I was in the shower, in the middle of shaving my legs or something of all things :D when suddenly I wasn’t in the shower anymore. I was in some other place/realm. Again, no determining features, but there seemed to be other people around this time, though I never saw them clearly. I could sense them around. It was like I was in a small group. And right then this very tall guy just whoosh, rushed up on me and stood before me. He moved very quickly. No meandering or strolling about for him. :D I gazed up at him feeling like an innocent child in awe, like, “woooowwww….” Just open and calm and child-like. Again, he was very tall, so I had to look up at him. From my vantage point of 5’3” I would put him between 7-8 feet tall. And it was a he. His features seemed angular, though attractive (and yet oddly enough, I don’t have a clear detailed vision in my mind of what his face looked like, just a vague image) and his facial shape seemed rectangular. He didn’t smile, he was serious and all business. Things to do and places to go. And right then, he sized me up on a soul level. He read through me in an instant, down to the core of “who I am.” Everything about me, everything I’ve ever done, all my thoughts, every intention. Probably in all lifetimes, too, I don’t know. In one instant. It’s a…….very interesting feeling to be probed/scanned like that. I just stood there as he did this, and watched as he…..frowned. O_0 Yeah, I know I haven’t always been a stellar person, or with stellar thoughts, no doubt. But then a look of slight surprise came over his face, apparently as more information came through. The brows went from being furrowed to going upwards. Whatever it was that he was seeing/knowing wasn’t what he expected, I could tell that much. I gazed up at him, staring down at me with a “hmmm, interesting” look on his face. Then he turned, and whooshed off, gone. Onto somebody else. My impression was that the look of surprise had to do with what was coming up. I can say that his look changed everything in terms of how I saw myself and what my goals were from that point forward. It was a lot to live up to. Though it took a few more years for me to actively pursue the change necessary to hopefully become whatever it was that caused his facial expression change. Still have a ways to go.
Then I was back in the shower once again. And that was that. I looked around, like, Wow, what in the heck was that?! ;D I didn’t forget these incidents, but I had to put them aside and not obsess over them because obviously I had no explanation for what in the frickity frack it all was….or even if was real, and not just an overactive imagination. (though really, where does somebody even come up with something like the second incident anyway. And in the middle of showering, no less.)
Flash forward to December 2004, when I came across a new Stuart Wilde article called “The First Judgment” (it was emailed out to members of his email A list only, and not available on his site) talking about…..the tall boys, and their etheric protector dogs.
“Once the tear was made, etheric beings that we call Tall Boys and Tall Girls started to filter into our 3-D world. At first they came in just a few at a time. With them came etheric dogs. I know that might sound utterly ridiculous but I can’t modify the details just so you’ll believe it. The dogs came in the thousands. They acted as protectors. There were not enough Tall Boys or Tall Girls to go around, so the dogs sat and guarded people and places. If the ghouls mounted an attack here in 3-D against a particular human, or a place, the dogs barked and the Tall Ones arrived at speed. So the dogs allowed the Tall Ones to cover and protect a greater geographical area than would have been possible without the dogs.”
And from another Stuart write up, called Tall Boys in the Dead of Night dated October, 2005:
“In the early days of the Morph we first started seeing beings arrive here on earth; I called them Tall Boys, even though the first two I ever saw were female. The men and the women stand eight to ten feet tall; they are very good looking and they can run at about forty miles an hour. We have never really discovered what exactly they do. They are forerunners of something powerful but their real function has been kept secret from us. Sometimes the Tall Boys are accompanied by dogs in an etheric form. The animals can also move at high speed. The dogs act as etheric guards watching over humans in case of trouble from transdimensionals, especially at night.”
I’d had my “they’re here to protect you” dog dream experience six months before I ever saw Stuart’s article. After my initial experience with the Golden Retriever protector dogs in formation, I had several other dreams here and there with dogs in them. In one I was just going about my dream, lalalalala, then this big gray, black and white shaggy dog popped up in the middle of the dream, all happy with its tongue hanging out, kind of like “HI!!!! HERE I AM!!!” :D This shaggy dog was the most peppy and bouncy of all the dogs I’ve experienced. The others have all been serious. Another time I was in a dream that took place outside on a sunny afternoon, at a picnic with people, and I became aware that there was a dog laying on the ground off to the right, under a picnic table or something. He was trying to be unobtrusive. His head was resting on his paws, and he was just calmly keeping an eye on things from the sidelines. Watching, guarding. His eyes met mine, and I was like, “Oh…hi….” when I saw him. I knew instantly what he was there doing. There were a couple of other random “dogs appearing in my dreams” moments over the past few years, but I hadn’t had one in awhile until this week, on the early morning of 1/21. Only after experiencing the strange bout of total paralysis and inability to breathe, then once again, shortly after that there was yet another dog in my dreams. Protection? I don’t know. But I was happy to see him and threw my arms around him and held on, hugging him.
On the one hand maybe this is just an extreme case of “sleep apnea” (though is that how it’s supposed to work? You stop breathing, become conscious of it and awake in your mind, but can’t budge a muscle as the clock is ticking and time is running out?) However, the fact that I had one of my rare dog dreams right after (where it’s already been established that they are there to protect) makes me kind of doubt it. Who knows what’s going on, but all I know is that Stuart Wilde was apparently right when he talked about these dogs. And the tall boys. It’s all very interesting. I’ve wanted to talk about this for years, and yell out “He’s right! I’ve experienced it too, before he publicly talked about it!” but I always held off. Figured after what happened this week now could be a good time to get into it.
Time speeding up, and the sun shining whiter/brighter
I know I just did a post regarding time, specifically focused on those instances when time jumps or glitches, and/or when things are off by a day. But this one is slightly different. But as mentioned in the previous post, many people out there in the world are claiming that time is speeding up. I’ve been hearing this for several years now but held off on jumping on any bandwagons because I just didn’t have enough personal evidence to prove anything to myself either way. Seriously, how does one know that time is supposedly speeding up when we’re still existing in 24 hour days? How does that work? The clock still ticks along same as always, 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a day, and you can sit there and watch the clock and count along with it, so how do we know this isn’t new age nonsense? I’m leery of any of the claims that we hear from the new age circles about anything to do with this supposedly “special period in history,” least of all their claims about time. Granted, it did seem to me that the years were whizzing by faster than they used to, but again, if you can sit there and watch the clock and count along then it doesn’t make any sense, right? Right?!?
But now, I’ve changed my mind. Recently I realized when looking back on my life as a kid in the 80s, any year back then would be the equivalent of say, a year and a half now. That’s how long a year back then seemed to last as compared to today. And while I used to excuse it away with “Oh, well, you know that’s how it is when you’re an adult and work 40 hours a week……life whizzes by like that….” now I’m like, No. As a kid I was in school all day, five days a week for years on end. Then I came home and had homework. Reports to write, books to read, tests to study for. Flash forward to the present. I don’t have homework now. When I leave work every day, that’s it. I’m done for the night. I don’t have any kids. I don’t have any responsibilities outside of work. If anything I have MORE free time now then I ever did as a kid………………..and yet life is whizzing by in a way that doesn’t seem right. Again, when I look back at things in the 80s, a year really seemed to take a looooooooooong time back then, compared to how things are today. Last night when I was listening to this 80s mix CD in my car I realized when listening to a song from ’87…….“I remember ’87. I was there.” Meaning: 1987 was a YEAR. An event. It didn’t just whiz by, coming and going into obscurity before anybody even realized what happened, the way things go today. No. It was an EVENT, it was 1987! Things happened, and time seemed to really last. It counted for something. Or say it was 1986! Or 1984! Or whatever year, pick one. Conversely, what can I say about say, 2007? Nothing. I have to stop and think back on it to recall what I was doing. But it’s not just there in my mind. The year means nothing to me. Neither does 2008. Or 2009. 2010 is already 1/3 of the way over and all in all it means nothing to me either. It doesn’t mean I can’t remember what I’ve done, it just means the years fly by and no longer count for anything, whereas back then things moved slower and every year seemed like an actual event.
Again, a part of me will keep looking for rational and logical explanations for this, but I’m now mostly in agreement that something is wrong with time. Or else, the way we’re perceiving it. Recently I did a ‘net search on it and came up with an interesting website that talks about it in a way that seems to make sense. (I don’t endorse the entire article, but there is one part of it that stood out for me which I’ll get to in a moment.) Here’s what’s interesting: Before finding this article I was talking to my boyfriend Tom about the whole time thing, and specifically, how summer vacations for me as a kid REALLY lasted a while. They started about June 18th every year and went until about August 31st. So 2 1/2 months roughly. And even if I laid around doing nothing, or watching TV or playing Nintendo, which was the case for the majority of them :D they just REALLY lasted longer than 2 1/2 months would nowadays. In thinking about this out loud with Tom I wondered…..alright, so how many months nowadays would equal 2 1/2 months back in the 80s?
My first tentative guess was four, but then I thought ummmm…..no, that’s a little too long. I settled on three. Not quite four, but more than three to equal 2 1/2 back then. So then I come across the link above called Why is Time Speeding Up? and this one particular part jumped out at me:
“Why do we “feel” as though time is moving faster than it used to be? The reason is what we once perceived to be a period of 24 hours now feels like only 16 hours. Our clocks still move in seconds, minutes and hours and still click over a full day in 24 hours but due to the earths increased heartbeat, we perceive it to be only two thirds as long or a perception period of merely 16 hours.”
Doing the math, that’s a net loss of 8 perceived hours a day. x 7 days in a week, x 4 weeks in a month that’s 224 hours a month. Divide by 24 and that’s the equivalent of 9.3 days lost per month. x 2 1/2 months is 23 days total. Which pretty much matches up to my estimate. I felt like you’d have to tack on almost another full month nowadays to equal what 2 1/2 months felt like back when I was a kid, and here’s an article confirming figures very close to that. o_O
Something interesting to note about time is that when you’re doing the same things every day with very little new life experiences happening then time will appear to move quickly. Life is literally just passing you by. When new things are happening or you pack your day full of back to back stuff then it appears to move slower. I took a trip up north back in 2007, which I’ll be referencing again in a short bit for a different reason, and the total time of my trip was only about 3 days. And yet when I came home I felt like I’d been gone for a week. Things felt distorted. That was because the experience was new, I was doing something I’d never done before – driving from Virginia to Connecticut, passing through D.C., Baltimore, New Jersey and NYC. I was doing things I don’t normally do, surrounded by scenery I don’t normally see. I really packed in the new and/or unusual experiences making the most of each day and so time was condensed. I’ve spoken with others who’ve also noted the same phenomena of new experiences resulting in the illusion of time condensing. So I have to consider this as a possibility for why life seems to pass by…most of the time I’m not doing anything new.
But then again, as a kid life droned by on and on and on, the same schedule every day as I went to school and came home, school and home, repeat, and yet…..life still seemed to pass much slower than things do nowadays. Although you could look at it and say that life was still new back then, so even though the daily schedule was relatively the same, each year in general was new and different as I started a new grade that I’d never been in before, with new kids in my class(es), learning new things. So once again maybe that’s why things seemed to move slower back then. I can’t tell. Back and forth, round and round! :D
And not only is time apparently speeding up, but the sun isn’t the same sun we used to have either. So that’s another bummer. :D I first encountered mention of the sun shining whiter back on the old Goro Adachi forum I think, around 2004. At the time I was just neutral, like, hmm, interesting. It was yet another thing that I couldn’t definitively confirm so I didn’t jump to any conclusions. The only thing we have to “prove” a claim like that is our memories, and really, how do you remember differences in sunlight? Your memories will make you remember whatever you want to remember, was how I looked at it.
Flash forward to 2010. At this point I’m 110% convinced the sun is not right. Whereas I’m still only maybe 80-90% convinced that time could be speeding up, I have zero doubts about the sun being whack. Personal proof came for me back in 2007. I was visiting the town where I grew up in CT as a kid, long story there, but what’s relevant for this piece was how I was on the street I used to live on, after 8 a.m. on a bright sunny morning. There was a reason I was there at that hour – I was trying to duplicate a repeating dream scenario that I’d had for years, and I figured the best way to get it to stop once and for all was to actually be there, in the same exact scenario at the same exact time of the day. (morning time, during the time when I’d be getting ready for school and the bus was about to come.) So there I am, standing in my old street on a perfectly replicated bright sunny morning straight out of my dream………………only, the sun was wrong. It was too bright, too white. I knew how it should have looked according to my memories, which was a lot more golden, but here it was almost blinding. Just WAAAAY too white/bright/glaring. I stood there on the corner where my bus stop used to be, frowning and squinting in the glare because unfortunately things were a little off now due to the sunlight coloring and intensity. But, it was accidental confirmation for something I wasn’t even consciously looking to prove. I was there to replicate a dream scenario, but found myself instead realizing that the sun nowadays is too white and bright and glaring.
The other morning I was outside at 10 a.m. on a nice bright sunny spring morning, but the sunlight was off, as always. Very intense, and just way too white/blue in tone. Sunlight at that hour of the day used to have a more yellow/golden tone to it. Now it’s too harsh. And then yesterday I went for a walk around the neighborhood after work, taking in the beautiful late sunny afternoon in spring, with blossoming trees and birds singing and a blue sky. But once again, the sunlight was askew. It was 6:30 p.m. in late April and the sun was just too white and strong/glaring/harsh for that time of day. Should have been a lot softer and more golden. And then I have a coworker who got into a fender bender one morning due to the blinding sun. I too have experienced difficulty driving on a particular road here in town in the mornings when the rising sun is directly straight ahead, blinding out the entire road. I literally couldn’t see and crawled along at a snail’s pace. So it goes. Our new world.
I’ve done searches on the ‘net to see if I could find any info on this and it was almost like there was a black out. I couldn’t find anything. Yet I’ve heard people online noticing it, like the aforementioned Goro forum, and I’ve even chatted with a few people in the Noble Realms Sunday chat room about it one time. So I know that there are people out there noticing it. You just can’t find any formal information about it anywhere, that I’ve seen anyway. Makes you wonder. :/ Is it a black out?
Life today is different from how it was 20 years ago….but not for the reasons people typically imagine. :D The sun is wrong, time is off, and all of which leaves us with a white/blue lighted world that speeds by in a whirlwind while we wonder what the hell happened??? where did it go??! as one hand shields our squinting eyes from the blinding glare from above. (or as Tom joked, “Maybe it’s not even our sun anymore. Maybe it’s the bright light at the end of the tunnel because our world is dead.” o_O )
[Note: Looks like David Icke just put something out on 5/2 regarding time speeding up That’s always weird when that happens, when several websites or people decide to write about the same thing at the same time out of the blue. This has happened with me and the Beyond Within blog on a few occasions, where we both decide to write about the same things at the same time. Palehorse from Beyond Within has jokingly referred to it as something being up with “The Force.” :D Could be The Force, or the collective unconscious, or maybe something beaming out a message to whoever happens to pick up on it. Take your pick. :D]
When time is off
Not sure what else to call this, although I’ve heard it referred to as “time jumps” on the ‘net. Since that term is being used by others I’ll have to think of my own. :D But the phenomena involves time being off by several hours, or days. And what makes it even more interesting is when this is noticed by other people – being independently verified by others, and not just something you’re imagining.
The first time I ever personally experienced something like this was back in May of 2006. I’ll copy and paste what I wrote about it from a message board I used to post at:
“You know what was weird…………and I didn’t even initially make the connection until it was pointed out to me……….but last night before going to bed I had it in my head that today was going to be Friday. I “felt” that it was Friday, and my mental sense of time felt like that’s what it should be. Only to find out it was really going to be Thursday. I was like, ahhhhh! disappointed. I don’t normally do that either, and get my days mixed up to where I feel that it’s a certain day, only to be wrong. Then I went to bed and forgot all about it.
Until today at work…..
One of my coworkers announced that she could have SWORN today was Friday, and she felt all mixed up because it was really just Thursday.
And after she said that, the guy next to her called out “ME TOO!” all excited. And then the woman in the office near them said the same thing!!
Later in the day, my coworker said it a few more times, so mystified was she that it was only Thursday. She made a joke about “Don’t be surprised if I’m not here tomorrow…just means I slept in thinking it was Saturday!” Everybody laughed.
So yeah, it was one thing when it was just me who was a “day off” with my internal sense of time……..but it’s another thing entirely when THREE OTHER PEOPLE had the same exact phenomenon, to the same extent.
Even as I type this I keep having flashes in my mind that it’s already the weekend, and tonight is Friday night. It’s WEIRD.”
An additional interesting detail to note about this was that some people had apparently predicted that some comet or cometary fragments were going to hit the Earth on that same day, so as I noted, “And today was supposed to be “The Day” according to Comet Guy predicting the end of the world. Maybe something really did happen, then got changed. Who knows!”
After posting my experience with the day being off it then got weirder. Other people piped up with their “Me Too’s!” including people located in other countries. o_O Ten other posts verified the same thing happpening to people, on the same day. So it wasn’t just me. And that was my first introduction into this phenomena. Admittedly I didn’t give it too much thought after that because ultimately there’s no way to prove that it really does indicate anything, and life in 3rd density Earth can be very distracting. Lots of other things going on to pull one’s attention away from these subtle oddities that indicate there may be more to our reality that we realize.
Another notable occurrence – although I didn’t document when this happened, so I could kind of kick myself for that – was at my current temp job. I think it was earlier in this year, although it may have been late last year. But I was at my desk in the morning, and it was like time jumped. One minute it was sometime between 9:30 and 10 and the next……….It was lunch time, noon. It clearly felt off and wrong to me, like something had literally jumped, and I lost a couple of hours, yet things were kind of fuzzy so I just went “huh” and put it aside. And that’s a big part of the problem here, the fuzziness, feeling hazy, like maybe it’s just a case of time getting away from you because you’re too busy, versus actual “time jumping,” and/or “missing time.” Although I wasn’t busy, so it made no sense.
But then…….a coworker noted the same exact thing later in the day.
A guy that works here named Ryan (not to be confused with a former coworker named Ryan from Florida that I’ve mentioned in several of my write ups….) was stopping by to grab some water from the cooler around two in the afternoon. As he stood there waiting for his water bottle to fill up, one hand on his hip staring up at the clock on the wall with furrowed brows, he mentioned that he lost the morning. That one minute it was going on 10 or so, and the next….it was 12 p.m., and he’d lost the morning. It was a big deal to him because he had a project that was due by the end of the day and now he was behind because of this. o_O If it had just been me I would have forgotten about this incident and dismissed it as me imagining things. But having even just one other person noting exactly the same thing I experienced, verbatim, saying that the time loss seemed to occur between 9:30/10 am and noon was enough to make me look closer. I really don’t think I was imagining this, but what exactly happened I’ll never know. Was this just a localized happening? Was it on a mass level? I just really wish I’d kept track of the date. I have trouble doing that anymore. I used to diligently log everything, but eventually I just stopped caring. It’s like after awhile you go, “Okay, life and reality is weird, you’ve definitively proved it, how much more documentation do you need?” It became redundant to keep logging everything, but I realize that some things need to be, no matter what.
Another instance happened more recently. Again, didn’t log it but it was probably about two months ago. I came into work on a Tuesday and experienced momentary confusion about it being the end of the week, and that the weekend was coming up. It wasn’t a feeling of being disgruntled with work and life and hoping for the weekend, but a neutral awareness of the fact that it felt like it was the end of the week and the weekend was approaching. Then I remembered that it was in fact Tuesday, and that we’d only just had the weekend. I would have dismissed this as being a personal issue with mental confusion as well, except right then I passed by some women and one of them commented that she wished it were the weekend. So that was a minor synch on top of time confusion. Later that day my boyfriend – who doesn’t even work a standard day job and is self employed doing web design and website maintenance – said that he had also had confusion about it being the end of the week. He joked that if we’ve already done this before and somehow time got “rewound” and we’re doing it again then we should get paid double. :D I can’t say for certain that this incident was in fact something woo-woo, but it’s at least suspect.
The most recent example happened yesterday, when I thought it was Wednesday even though it was Tuesday. It was such a small bit of confusion that I was again, likely to dismiss and forget it except for two other people around me at my job also had the brief, Wednesday confusion. Nothing of importance was going on Wednesday, so there was no reason to be anticipating it. So that’s a possible suspect, although nothing compares to the first two examples!
The whole thing also kind of ties into the subject of deja vus since it’s all about time anomalies. In particular, the one so-called deja vu dated November 15, 2005 in that write up, where it was an actual time loop memory, not just a feeling of having done something before.
It’s a complicated, and yet, subjective/covert subject, so it’s near impossible to write about. There’s no way to prove any of it, and all anybody has to go on is corroberation from others matching up to what they themselves have felt/noticed/experienced. If it weren’t for the internet then that one 2006 incident when multiple people experienced the Thursday/Friday confusion would have pretty much slipped through the cracks.
Over the past few years I’ve encountered numerous new age/metaphysical material claiming that during this particular time period time was going to be “breaking down.” So for those familiar with that sort of stuff then this would be old news. The most common way I’ve heard that this will be expressed is in the feeling that “time is speeding up.” Indeed, it feels to me like time whizzes by in a way that it didn’t when I was a kid, but, I’ve always just chalked it up to being a by-product of being an “adult” in the working world, with the M-F, 8-5 job. And maybe that’s all it is. But as far as time itself “breaking down,” in whatever way that may occur, I have no idea if that’s what’s indeed happening but it does give me pause when multiple people notice time being off, or jumping, or whatever, on the same exact day, at the same exact time. It means it’s not just one individual’s overactive imagination, and there may be something to it all. o_O Anyway, just something quick I wanted to put out there. Will probably add to it/edit after I get home later……
“Remarkable Healings” – book concerning discarnate human/neg and demonic entity attachments and past life traumas, and how they impact people in their current life.
I’m currently finishing up a book that my boyfriend brought home several months ago, called Remarkable Healings – a Psychiatrist Discovers Unsuspected Roots of Mental and Physical Illness by Shakuntala Modi, M.D. Normally I wouldn’t devote an entire “Thoughts” write up to recommending one book – that’s what the “Books & Websites” section is for after all. However, this book ties into things I’ve either seen or proven for myself, as well as subjects covered all around this site; stuff I’ve been trying to say for several years now but which I don’t think is being heard by people. So it needs all the highlighted attention it can get! :D
Dr. Modi is a psychiatrist who began experimenting with past life regressions when traditional therapies weren’t working for her clients. Like others who have dabbled in past life regression, she discovered that various physical and psychological traumas people have experienced in their past incarnations often times carry over (via soul memory) into the next bodies they find themselves inhabiting. Often times these traumas become a repeating pattern in fact. People keep finding themselves getting maimed and killed in the same or similar ways, injured in the same parts of the body over and over, lifetime after lifetime. (other past life regression books have focused on the inter-relationship dramas that repeatedly play themselves out lifetime after lifetime until a person finally learns and wakes up and breaks the pattern – this book’s focus is more on the psychological and physical traumas, being that she’s an MD psychiatrist.)
That sort of thing might be old hat for some past life and hypnotherapy researchers. But where this book veers off into unusual territory is when it reveals that her patients also consistently report a slight problem with discarnate human and demonic neg entity attachments. And when I say “slight” I’m purposely using an understatement to convey humorous sarcasm. ;) No matter what their age, gender, race, religious affiliation (or lack thereof) or cultural background, her patients have repeatedly reported the same phenomena of entities attaching themselves to humans and wreaking havoc (sometimes unintentionally), sometimes even following a target around over multiple lifetimes. The patients also consistently report the same modes of operation for who these beings are, where they come from and how it all works. The book also discusses the concept of soul fragmentation – when people lose pieces of their souls due to traumas and other such things, as well as when pieces of other people’s souls attach to us for various reasons.
I would have kept reading the book even if the sole focus was on past life regressions and how our past lives affect who we are in the present, just because that’s a huge interest of mine. (and for the record, I have my own personal proof for the idea of reincarnation. As noted in the appendix section of my New Age Love and Light Fallacies article, I pretty much came out of the womb with memories and knowings, long before anybody ever told me anything.) But throw in discarnate human and neg entities and how they wreak havoc and I’m REALLY there! Only because I’m a believer that this is happening, and, it’s the reason why we have the world that we do around us. I’ve said as much in my Veils of Awakening write up, and here in the “Thoughts” section in the entry called “They Gave Us Their Minds,” as well as discussing my various experiences with non-human entities in The Vortex, Miscellaneous Stories of the Weird and Unusual and my book, ‘Chasing Phantoms,’ which is how I know that what she’s reporting has validity. The concept of soul fragmentation was brought to my attention several years ago, and I had an interesting experience mentioned in my book of what happened when I attempted to remove a potential soul fragment from a family member that I believe is attached to me. So, more confirmation for me that yet another concept presented in the book has validity.
If someone hasn’t ever seen or tangled with a neg entity then I can understand why they wouldn’t believe they exist. However until the microscope was invented nobody knew bacteria and viruses existed either. !! There were those who suspected, due to a sharp, analytical mind that paid attention and noticed patterns, but it was all just theory. So just because we can’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not actually there, having its way with us. Imagine going back in time to the 1500s and trying to explain to the population that “There’s these invisible things, called ‘bacteria’ and ‘viruses,’ you can’t see them, but they’re there!!!! They’re everywhere!!!!! They’re all around you!!!!! And they’ll make you sick!!! They get inside you and they do stuff to you! Bad stuff! You have to wash your hands! You have to cook your meat! You have to keep raw meat away from your veggies! You have to keep your outhouse away from your garden! Don’t you understand!!! THEY’RE INVISIBLE!!!!! THEY’RE EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Yeah, I’m sure that would have gone over really well. Next thing you know you’re strapped to a pole in the center of the village helping them roast marshmallows. However a few hundred years later and this is common everyday knowledge.
What’s interesting again is that Dr. Modi’s patients are coming from a wide variety of backgrounds, some of them not believing in reincarnation, or even being outright Atheist. And yet according to her, everybody keeps reporting the same thing, over and over. Apparently it doesn’t matter what they choose to believe – it is what it is, whether we believe in it or not. The earth was still round, whether peasants in the 1300s believed it or not. The Earth traveled around the Sun and not vice versa, no matter what the majority thought a thousand years ago. Bacteria still exists, even though we can’t see them.
“Remarkable Healings” contains loads of case examples from Dr. Modi’s many patients, so there’s lots of informative anecdotal stories for the reader to get the picture of what’s going on here. It’s extremely thorough, detailed, and well organized. Many times she finds herself performing what basically amounts to exorcisms on her patients, to use the quaint term. But unlike the Catholic Church’s viewpoint of banishing these things and viewing them as evil, she removes them from the patient, and then gets them to see their own light within them, which they were told didn’t exist. The ultimate goal being empathy, and getting them to move on to the Light. After they transform from a dark entity into one who realizes their own light, and before she gets them on their way to a better place, she takes that opportunity to ask them questions – find out how they came to be a part of the dark, working on behalf of the dark forces. And again, the stories and modes of operation are consistent across the board despite the patients’ wide variety of backgrounds. The way a soul became something that works for the dark stuff, going into people’s bodies and negatively influencing them usually involves a lot of trickery and deception, as it’s revealed, as well as higher up dark stuff taking advantage of souls who died in extreme states of negativity and trauma, coercing them to come and bat for the other team. It’s very insightful and sobering to read. By the end of the book I had a lot of ideas floating around in my head regarding the implications of the apparent rampant occurrence of neg entity attachments, taking it and applying it to the world we see around us. Well Dr. Modi had the same “put the pieces of the puzzle together” ideas as well, and in her “Afterthoughts” section she addresses many of these random issues. Each section of “Afterthoughts” is like a mini-essay in a way, talking about various subjects, from crimes and capital punishment, religious conflicts and wars, how we treat each other, prayers, forgiveness, and the major role that drugs and alcohol play in attracting these entities in. Especially how alcohol’s danger is marginalized in our society next to drugs, when in fact it’s apparently just as dangerous. It’s all really good food for thought.
One point that is made in the book, which I think is very important, is that religion has created a stigma surrounding this subject. That to have negative entity attachments means you’re an evil, bad person. This is not the case, she argues, and I agree with her. My take on the subject is that these entities need to be thought of as opportunistic parasites. Versus as an indicator of the supposed lack of goodness of the target they attach to. And as the book shows, apparently most of us have entity attachments of some sort, picked up over a lifetime of bad habits, mindset and various traumas. In the same way bacteria and viruses take advantage of a lowered immune system and whatever bodies happen to be around, so don’t these beings. This is very important to stress.
Stuart Wilde writes often about “the ghouls,” those negative beings who swarm around people, attaching to them, influencing them, taking them down, as well as ruling over the direction of the world and humanity as a whole. What he’s describing is exactly the same thing being discussed here, it’s just a different way of putting it. He gives tips and advise for ways to keep the ghouls away, mindsets to avoid, behaviors to not engage in if you don’t want to draw them in like a moth to a flame. Some may laugh it off as antiquated superstition, but as Dr. Modi notes several times in her book – many demons/negs have bragged to her that their greatest achievement is getting the majority of people to not believe in their existence. Because if you don’t believe in something, then you won’t do anything to stop it, right? Exactly. (Reminds me of the end of “The Usual Suspects” and Kevin Spacey’s line “The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.”)
In my “Veils of Awakening” article as well as the “Thoughts” write up called “They Gave Us Their Minds” I talked about encountering the mindset of “hating humanity,” thinking that we as a species suck because of the seemingly never ending attrocities being committed by people in the world everyday. I stressed that I don’t advocate the victim/lack of personal responsibility mentality at all, yet….there can be no doubt, based on what my own personal experiences and research has show me, that humanity is being played like puppets on a string. That many times, negative stuff is working through people, manipulating them, if not flat out possessing them short term or long term, and getting them to behave in ways they would not have otherwise. This “hating on humanity” mindset seems to be on the increase, especially on the ‘net, where I’ve seen message board forums filled to the brim with threads detailing the latest horror story committed by people, with various posters’ angry reactions towards humanity as a whole. Which is why I want to reiterate this point in today’s “Thoughts” write up, yet again. People’s personalities and motivations may not be their own many times, as “Remarkable Healings” illustrates. The majority of people are lacking understanding about so much of what is going on here, either because they lack the ability to either “see,” or, they just haven’t had experiences with non-physical entities (positive or negative) giving them a clue to this aspect of reality. And I understand that. And that’s why I’m recommending this book. Whether you already know it to be true or are a newbie to the subject, I think people will find the book extremely informative and eye opening with much food for thought.
I want to note though that it doesn’t require the ability to “see” or even hands-on experience tangling with entities to gather evidence for their existence. Merely being observant can sometimes be enough to give indication. Watching people and the way they behave, as well as paying attention to your own behavior. Have you ever had experiences where people around you seem to experience drastic mood shifts, to where it’s like something comes over them? (or you yourself?) Where somebody behaves in a way that later befuddles them, because they “weren’t themselves”? Feeling an urge to act on an irrational thought or behavior that resulted in various consequences for all involved, and where it becomes evident after the fact that something else was toying with people, using you as the vector? (or using somebody else as the vector against you, etc.) It happens everyday, it’s just a matter of whether you stop and notice it and question it. There are so many sorts of examples, but it’s why awareness and self stalking is so important, so one can begin to take back control of the wheel. Too many people go through life in a semi-trance like daze, on autopilot, or completely distracted by the hustle bustle of the world and the media. Their lives pass them by, most of which gets forgotten. Is it any wonder people don’t notice something like the influence of unseen entities?
If you like this book or if this subject interests you, then another good one to check out would be Practical Psychic Self Defense by Robert Bruce, detailing what neg entities are, how they operate in the world as well as attaching to/possessing humans, and how to rid their influence. Also be sure to check out the series of write up from the “Beyond Within” blog called Negative Entities 101. Also just remembered that Montalk had written about this subject back in December of 2008, in his “Research Notes” section called Dislodging Negative Entity Attachments. So that’s another good source worth checking out….